Apparentlyakiwi Member Profile

...See more my name is Aiden and I’m 17 i have been diagnosed with adhd, pstd, depression and autsim Ik it seems like a long list but It’s not like I willingly chose these.. I was only born with adhd and autsim ofc Please forgive my jumbled mess of a rant…I’m really struggling right now so doing basic task such as writing or talking as been hard so please excuse the poorly structured sentences and how it doesn’t sound that fluent or maybe some things don’t make complete sense…I tired :( I’m not particularly looking for help I just need someone anyone literally anyone to listen to me.. i don’t really have any close friends to tell any of this to..and my mom is great and all but any time I tell her about an issue she immediately goes into problem solving mode and “here’s what I did so you should try this since it worked for me”… anyways.. Around this time last year I started taking adhd meds.. it was concerta 18mg… and I have no clue if it was just the placebo effect but they worked for a while and I’ve never felt better.. I was able to do one task for an extended amount of time and I had better control over my emotions and I was able to actually learn and research things efficiently.. but ofc that didn’t last long like most things and I returned to how I was before except I did feel intelligent and more capable of things but still lacked motivation and such.. so we upped my dose to concerta 27mg and it made me feel horrible, I was just irritated, confused, I had a foggy head and blurry vision.. I couldn’t even think properly.. so we just went back down to 18mg which still didn’t do anything but I didn’t know what else to do..a couple months later in June or July we switched brands to biphentin and I gave it a really good chance I took 10mg then took 15mg which both didn’t do much so we again switched to a different brand.. we switched to vyvanse 10mg which big surprise didn’t work.. so now it’s around November Just a few weeks after my bday and me and doctor conclude we should maybe focus on my depression before adhd.. so I start 150mg of Wellbutrin and after that month of adjusting and waiting for the medication to actually start working it did help a little with my depression and we even layered on the adhd meds (biphentin 20mg) and for a short while I felt better for once.. but ofc as I stated nothing lasts long for me and I started to feel like garbage.. I mentioned to my doctor how things were starting to feel a little better but still having issues with motivation.. they suggested we up my Wellbutrin to 300mg so we did and I never felt worse in my life.. I was completely out of it… my internal monologue was gone and I felt like I was completely dissociating… we went back down to 150mg which doesn’t work… it’s present day and I’m still taking both of them and neither of my medications work… I fee better in the morning and at night when they’re not in my system… I just don’t know wat to do anymore… I’m not particularly looking for help right now it’s just I’m beyond struggling right now… i feel like I’m about to lose it… my head feels like it has a constant 500kg weight on it.. my emotions r so out of whack and I’m struggling to function in general.. its harder to speak, think, problem solve, enjoy life or just be a basic f*#kibg human being.. I feel so.. broken is the best word I can think of.. i don’t feel like myself.. I infact feel like I’m losing myself.. I feel lost… again sorry for this jumbled rant I really did try considering my mental state right now :( I know things aren’t going to be like this forever and things will definitely get better and I should be patient and kind to myself but right now at this moment I am struggling and It’s affecting me.. so just being heard and maybe hear similar struggles other people are havingwould make me feel better.. id Also like to mention I do not directly blame the medications themselves... adhd stimulant and antidepressant medications helps tons and tons of people and I’m sure there are meds I will eventually find that are right for me.. my personal experience does not speak for the medications effectiveness for others..

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