Aria103 Member Profile

...See more Hello. As i posted previously in a post, i joined with the hope of getting some support or advice. I have been in a relationship with someone I love deeply and lately had a lot of struggle. In the beginning i wasn't sure this will be a relationship I want but he fought for us so intense and made me fall in love and want this more than anything. But in the beginning of november he left me for a week and he came back after but we have been having ups and downs ever since. Because of the ups and downs i am constantly scared that he will leave me again. He actually did again right before nye, then 3 days later he wanted to give it another try but 2 days later he took a vacation for 3 weeks. Now he will be back in one week and i am afraid he will break up with me again. I don't want to bore anyone with details but after that break we had of a week in november he changed his attitude towards me and us. I almost have to beg for attention and i am always scared that he will leave. He treated me in ways that brought me to this state of anxiety and depression. I started seeing a therapist but it doesn't help much. I am even on meds now and everyone is telling me how toxic he is to me but i choose to believe that he can be the person from the begining of this relationship, the one i fell in love with. I don't find the power to move on and i am so scared every single day that he will leave me. I cry every day, i changed everything that bothered him and now i don't even know who i am or what i like because everything i do is to please him. I know i sound like a crazy person, i realize is not ok but i can't stop and i go deeper and deeper in this. Sometimes i am so scared that when he will come back he will break up with me that i feel like o should kill myself now and spare me the hurt then. I am constantly living with this fear. Sometimes i feel like i can't breathe and i panick really bad. I can't focus on anything. I gave up my job and mostly stay at home searching on how to get him back thinking that he will leave me. If i leave him he would not even try to stop me. He mostly says he wants a future with me but he doesn't believe in it. He treats me so bad compared to the begining. Once i gave in to his idea of us being together and once i was all in he changed completely. I don't know what to do. I want the person from the begining of the relationship back. I can't deal with the idea of not being with him. I also started some sort of alternative therapy but it is so hard to get myself up again. I feel like my life has no meaning anymore. Please help me! Thank you for reading this.

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