Help!
Hello. As i posted previously in a post, i joined with the hope of getting some support or advice.
I have been in a relationship with someone I love deeply and lately had a lot of struggle. In the beginning i wasn't sure this will be a relationship I want but he fought for us so intense and made me fall in love and want this more than anything. But in the beginning of november he left me for a week and he came back after but we have been having ups and downs ever since. Because of the ups and downs i am constantly scared that he will leave me again. He actually did again right before nye, then 3 days later he wanted to give it another try but 2 days later he took a vacation for 3 weeks. Now he will be back in one week and i am afraid he will break up with me again. I don't want to bore anyone with details but after that break we had of a week in november he changed his attitude towards me and us. I almost have to beg for attention and i am always scared that he will leave. He treated me in ways that brought me to this state of anxiety and depression. I started seeing a therapist but it doesn't help much. I am even on meds now and everyone is telling me how toxic he is to me but i choose to believe that he can be the person from the begining of this relationship, the one i fell in love with. I don't find the power to move on and i am so scared every single day that he will leave me. I cry every day, i changed everything that bothered him and now i don't even know who i am or what i like because everything i do is to please him. I know i sound like a crazy person, i realize is not ok but i can't stop and i go deeper and deeper in this. Sometimes i am so scared that when he will come back he will break up with me that i feel like o should kill myself now and spare me the hurt then. I am constantly living with this fear. Sometimes i feel like i can't breathe and i panick really bad. I can't focus on anything. I gave up my job and mostly stay at home searching on how to get him back thinking that he will leave me. If i leave him he would not even try to stop me. He mostly says he wants a future with me but he doesn't believe in it. He treats me so bad compared to the begining. Once i gave in to his idea of us being together and once i was all in he changed completely. I don't know what to do. I want the person from the begining of the relationship back. I can't deal with the idea of not being with him. I also started some sort of alternative therapy but it is so hard to get myself up again. I feel like my life has no meaning anymore. Please help me!
Thank you for reading this.
@Aria103
The moment you change completly for someone is the time to for sure put a pause or finish a relationship.
He's not dating you if you truly changed. And if he doesn't like the real you too bad for him. You shouldn't change for someone like that at all.
You said you have a therapist and meds, is great! You should focous on that, focous on you. It seems you aren't happy with yourself and that makes it impossible for a relationship.
To not mention if he is a bad influence for your anxiety is a bad thing.
My advice is to ask yourself if you really love him. And don't confuse that "aw" feeling with love. Really think deep about it. If you come to a conclusion that yes, then find coping mechanisms. Talk to him, tell him straight forward the things he does that makes you anxious and depressed.
If he doesn't accept that then just move on. I know is easier said than done but your priority has to be you. Your mental health and your happiness.
Best of luck
@Booklover95
Thank you for your reply. My problem is that i don't know where to find the power to move on. If you can advice on that, would be great. I can't figure out anymore what i do for myself and what i do for him.
@Aria103
Maybe my story will help you. I've been in the exact situation you are at the moment. And the situation got really dark and I only left when it was that bad. Nowdays I regret not leaving sooner. My self esteem got damage, as a woman I feel damaged. Everyday is a struggle.
This to say that is better to leave now before you drag the situation and feel much worst. You have a therapist, you can talk to him/her about what bothers you and cope after you leave. It will be hard when you do, you'll feel alone. But I give you my word that in the long run you'll feel that leaving was the best option. You'll find happiness. Just believe in yourself and work really hard on your mental health like you've been doing :)
Also another thing that might help after you leave is to always have your brain occupied. With hobbies for example! Is something productive and will keep you away from bad thoughts. The more fun you have the easier it will be.
@Booklover95
Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes being busy does help but to be honest i had moments lately when i have panick attacks while going to the gym or to a dinner with friends and i can't help crying right there. Sometimes i am so ashamed of what i became. I don't know how to deal with it. I am taking prozac and i try really hard not to break down but it is impossible sometimes and i feel like it never ends. If feels like instead of getting better it's actually getting worse day by day. And the constant fear that i live with that there is always something bad is killing me. It's fear mixed with panick paranoia and depression. I talk to my therapist but he even suggested some days under supervision in the hospital after my visit today. I feel like i am losing control over myself and my life. I know he is not good for me but i am addicted.
Thank you again. It help to be able to say this and feel like someone is listening.
@Aria103
Don't be so hard on yourself. Life can be really hard to deal with, we all have our low points but trust me you're not alone. Many people go through similar situations. The fact you're trying is already a victory :)
And glad you feel a bit better. You're always welcome to vent here on 7cups