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Babydoggybean
395 M Embraced 3
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2020 Member sinceNovember 30, 2020
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LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by Babydoggybean
Last post
 December 1st, 2020
...See more Slight TW: Some talk about sex, and pushy partners in this one. Hey so, I've seen someone you posting about yourselves, questioning your sexual orientation. I figured I'd share my story here, so maybe you can find something to relate to it yourselves. Also, I'd be willing to talk about it as well if any of you would like. I started questioning my sexual idenity when I was at the ripe-ol age of 11. It was actually from me playing a game called "IMVU" (and pretending to be older than I actually was) that I ended up meeting this girl, who first introduced the term to me. We had gotten pretty close, and she would frequently talk about her relationship struggles to me, as well as her, discovering herself. This is when she started talking to me about being "asexual", and how it affected her relationships greatly. Herself, wanting "romantic stuff, but not the sexual kind". And that on itself, really resonated with me for a while. Even still, I thought "well maybe I'm just too young to know yet", so I put it off for a year, and eventually started liking both girls, and boys romantically, which lead to me thinking I was bisexual. C I told this to my second boyfriend at the time, which lead to him trying to push me into some really kinky stuff with him, involving bondage, and involving other people in our..."funtimes" as well. For a while, I went along with it, until one day (a year later) when we met up, he actually tried to convince me to finally act out on those things we talked about. And it was then, and there that I realized "OH NO, I've made a terrible mistake!" And I ended up breaking up with him soon afterwards. It was then and there, I really started questioning myself, and went through the whole loop of self-doubt, and confusion, until I stumbled across the term "asexual" again, and really started looking into it yet again. I realized that maybe it wasn't just a phase, like I thought it was back when I was 11, and started labeling myself as such again. Needless to say, discovering yourself here, isn't easy at all, and takes a bit of experimenting to find out what you're actually comfortable with. Don't shame yourself durring this time of discovery for who you think you might be. Instead, I encourage you to embrace it. It helps a lot more if you do so.
Diary ||TW: Neglect/abuse
Trauma Support / by Babydoggybean
Last post
 December 24th, 2020
...See more So, ever since my mother left my father, I thought that my life situation would improve a lot. So far, that hasn't been the case. My dad may have been more obvious in his intention, about him generally not caring about my well-being. My mother, generally trying to 1-up him, by being extra good to me, to make him look worse. Well it worked, because she got full-custody of me overall. The bad thing is that, after she won, she started minimizing anything I said to try and convince her about the trauma I had been through, and my need for therapy. Saying that I would "get over it", and what not. Well surprise surprise. I ended up developing nightmares, and flashbacks from the trauma I recieved. So I told her about this, and she said she'd "look into therapy" for me. It has been months, and nothing has changed. I've tried to look into myself, except as it stands with me being 17, I can't really afford it by myself. So far, it's only gotten worse unfortunately. Suddenly stuff like personal hygeine related items has become a "luxery" that I cannot purchase without her explicit consent. And it's not like we're hurting for money either, she's a massage therapist. As I'm homeschooled (always have been), she's supposed to be helping me to learn my subjects, but now I'm struggling, since she's not helping, and according to her, tutors are "too expensive" This is rediculous, but I don't feel it's enough to make a claim, or for anyone to take me seriously, since I'm not being starved, or dying. Since I'm turning 18 in a year, I really want to move out as soon as possible, but I worry with my low fundings from basically doing everything for me, myself, it won't be enough. I'm not sure what to do anymore.
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