Badie Member Profile

...See more I have not been diagnosed with ADHD but I do have many of the symptoms with severity. There are many reasons why I haven't been to a professional for diagnosis such as lack of awareness in my country regarding Mental health. I am not here to ask for any validation or to start a debate regarding anything. I just want to express the issues that I have been encountering as I cant discuss it with others while they constantly disregard me with "lazy, excuses, non-serious, unambitious, failed, coward, etc" labels. I want to lay out some personal issues and if anyone here knows how to deal with it their advise or even just a mere good nod would be appreciated. Lemme start then. 1. Confused excitement/Hyperactivity/or whatever : I am not some who is inattentive to important things but rather I am more of an energetic and impatient being when it comes to new interests, concepts, ideas, activities or an interesting topic of discussion. I express this excitement or energy through my words where I can easily cut off other people's sentences including senior or teachers but in a respectful cheerful manner. When I say confused..I mean its not always the case..I am a really good listener to other people's issues and thoughts and I am very patient and attentive when others are communicating on issues related to their life, problems or mainly disinteresting topics where I can be empathic and I help them with good solutions to their problem however when the topic gets slighlty interesting or its about something that I like or have a knowledge about..I cant control it anymore..I start to speak and then I channelize every bit of excitement through my tone and words, I sketch my points from start to end just like a presentation on that spot. This contradiction of my behaviour confuses me alot and makes me anxious while talking with anyone. 2. Jack of all trade, master of none: Now this is not a flex neither it is a rant...I am very good at starting new skills and learning it quickly..I read something about hyperfocus and hyperfixation..and those things sums up my condition. I can invest in new topics like its the most important thing in the whole world while other important tasks keep on delaying until I lose interest on them and eventually failing at them. This cycle keeps repeating and people around me always taunt me on this behaviour where they make fun of whatever new thing I am doing and call me "time-waster" or someone who doesn't value time (They are right though but Its just is not in my hands to control). I am good at alot of sports and games, I really enjoy solving riddles and puzzles but I cant do normal tasks which people of my age donit on auto pilot such as riding a bike, driving a car, shaving my beard, etc. I once used to be a brilliant student (will come on it later). 3. Have so much to do, want to do, cant do : Now I might sound like a kid who is starting to speak, but thats how it is..there are so many important things that I have to do..like super important things and I know I can do..its as basic as sitting and sipping up a coffee, but I cant convince myself to actually do it, I will plan everything, I will visualize me executing that plan but then I procrastinate, I wander around to find new things to do and I waste my time there eventually with as wasted day. This keeps on happening until its the last day or deadline and then I magically cover 70-80% of the tasks with a feeling "only if I started sooner I could have actually completed it 100%". This worked until college life but now I am pursuing a professional certificate of Chartered Accountancy where 80% is not enough and I am failing continuously from last 2/3 years. I sometimes feel paralyzed (now I am not comparing it to actual paralysis as that is a serious thing not to be said lightly but I dont have any other word to express it.) 4. Proud of quick thinking, frustrated of uncontrolled association of thoughts : I can come up with great comebacks and jokes when I hang out with friends or when I have a banter with someone or even in a serious argument. I am really quick at generating a valid point, I come up with good ideas and solutions in a blink of an eye but...and its a big but (no pun intended) this linking/connection of thoughts and ideas is really unbearable when I cant controll it..One thought leads to another and in no time I dont know why the *** am I thinking about "How eren yeager manipulated past attack titans based on selective memories that he sent back in time to come to this future" when I was thinking about "What should I learn to make some money online?" to start with. 5. Talkative but not expressive: Talkative should not be a surprise when I blabbered so much above.. I am really talkative and can delay any important task whatsoever if I am having a good conversation with literally anyone. I have alot of friends but I cant express anything to anyone..no one really knows whats in my head, what bothers me or what are my likes/dislikes, nearly every thing..not expressing anything is my call as I dont trust anyone to even understand what I have to say (thats a different topic but was connected so ranted about it) but the talking thing is uncontrollable as it wastes alot of time for me where I could have just finished something important. I am not someone who is into gossips but I like to know about other individuals, mew topics of interests or just discussing past nostalgic memories gives me the high. 6. Dopamine Junky : Talking of highs..I get high on dopamine and I want it more and more and more. Instant gratification, low attention span, content addiction, not focusing on important things because of delayed or no gratification at all. If I get enough dopamine, I get very relax and then chill out the entirety of the day but if I dont get enough dopamine I get very low and bore out the remaining part of the day. In both the cases I spent 90% of the days unproductively either by chilling out high or boring myself out to sleep very low. 7. Temper issues : I had anger issues but now I am controlling it really well. By controlling I dont mean that I dont get angry, its just that I dont express my anger anymore and I am worried that someday I might explode of so much unexpressed anger that I have been carrying since ages. I never hurt anyone (physically and emotionally I am really weak so even if I want to I cant even hurt a mosquito with this 1 ounce of strength). But It makes me anxious and fearful that I might say something rude to others, but everyone triggers me, like people get on my nerves all the time. Now for the remaining issues, I wojt go in details and will just write them out. 8. Perfectionism 9. Need to tell everything from the start so that others dont miss out on anything that I know. 10. Want others to see the world through my eyes. 11. Need everything to be right be it other's POV or how the world works. 12. Fidgety/Restless/Skin peeler 13. Nice guy syndrome.

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