Is ADHD the reason?
I have not been diagnosed with ADHD but I do have many of the symptoms with severity. There are many reasons why I haven't been to a professional for diagnosis such as lack of awareness in my country regarding Mental health. I am not here to ask for any validation or to start a debate regarding anything. I just want to express the issues that I have been encountering as I cant discuss it with others while they constantly disregard me with "lazy, excuses, non-serious, unambitious, failed, coward, etc" labels. I want to lay out some personal issues and if anyone here knows how to deal with it their advise or even just a mere good nod would be appreciated.
Lemme start then.
1. Confused excitement/Hyperactivity/or whatever :
I am not some who is inattentive to important things but rather I am more of an energetic and impatient being when it comes to new interests, concepts, ideas, activities or an interesting topic of discussion. I express this excitement or energy through my words where I can easily cut off other people's sentences including senior or teachers but in a respectful cheerful manner. When I say confused..I mean its not always the case..I am a really good listener to other people's issues and thoughts and I am very patient and attentive when others are communicating on issues related to their life, problems or mainly disinteresting topics where I can be empathic and I help them with good solutions to their problem however when the topic gets slighlty interesting or its about something that I like or have a knowledge about..I cant control it anymore..I start to speak and then I channelize every bit of excitement through my tone and words, I sketch my points from start to end just like a presentation on that spot. This contradiction of my behaviour confuses me alot and makes me anxious while talking with anyone.
2. Jack of all trade, master of none:
Now this is not a flex neither it is a rant...I am very good at starting new skills and learning it quickly..I read something about hyperfocus and hyperfixation..and those things sums up my condition. I can invest in new topics like its the most important thing in the whole world while other important tasks keep on delaying until I lose interest on them and eventually failing at them. This cycle keeps repeating and people around me always taunt me on this behaviour where they make fun of whatever new thing I am doing and call me "time-waster" or someone who doesn't value time (They are right though but Its just is not in my hands to control). I am good at alot of sports and games, I really enjoy solving riddles and puzzles but I cant do normal tasks which people of my age donit on auto pilot such as riding a bike, driving a car, shaving my beard, etc. I once used to be a brilliant student (will come on it later).
3. Have so much to do, want to do, cant do :
Now I might sound like a kid who is starting to speak, but thats how it is..there are so many important things that I have to do..like super important things and I know I can do..its as basic as sitting and sipping up a coffee, but I cant convince myself to actually do it, I will plan everything, I will visualize me executing that plan but then I procrastinate, I wander around to find new things to do and I waste my time there eventually with as wasted day. This keeps on happening until its the last day or deadline and then I magically cover 70-80% of the tasks with a feeling "only if I started sooner I could have actually completed it 100%". This worked until college life but now I am pursuing a professional certificate of Chartered Accountancy where 80% is not enough and I am failing continuously from last 2/3 years. I sometimes feel paralyzed (now I am not comparing it to actual paralysis as that is a serious thing not to be said lightly but I dont have any other word to express it.)
4. Proud of quick thinking, frustrated of uncontrolled association of thoughts :
I can come up with great comebacks and jokes when I hang out with friends or when I have a banter with someone or even in a serious argument. I am really quick at generating a valid point, I come up with good ideas and solutions in a blink of an eye but...and its a big but (no pun intended) this linking/connection of thoughts and ideas is really unbearable when I cant controll it..One thought leads to another and in no time I dont know why the *** am I thinking about "How eren yeager manipulated past attack titans based on selective memories that he sent back in time to come to this future" when I was thinking about "What should I learn to make some money online?" to start with.
5. Talkative but not expressive:
Talkative should not be a surprise when I blabbered so much above.. I am really talkative and can delay any important task whatsoever if I am having a good conversation with literally anyone. I have alot of friends but I cant express anything to anyone..no one really knows whats in my head, what bothers me or what are my likes/dislikes, nearly every thing..not expressing anything is my call as I dont trust anyone to even understand what I have to say (thats a different topic but was connected so ranted about it) but the talking thing is uncontrollable as it wastes alot of time for me where I could have just finished something important. I am not someone who is into gossips but I like to know about other individuals, mew topics of interests or just discussing past nostalgic memories gives me the high.
6. Dopamine Junky :
Talking of highs..I get high on dopamine and I want it more and more and more. Instant gratification, low attention span, content addiction, not focusing on important things because of delayed or no gratification at all. If I get enough dopamine, I get very relax and then chill out the entirety of the day but if I dont get enough dopamine I get very low and bore out the remaining part of the day. In both the cases I spent 90% of the days unproductively either by chilling out high or boring myself out to sleep very low.
7. Temper issues :
I had anger issues but now I am controlling it really well. By controlling I dont mean that I dont get angry, its just that I dont express my anger anymore and I am worried that someday I might explode of so much unexpressed anger that I have been carrying since ages. I never hurt anyone (physically and emotionally I am really weak so even if I want to I cant even hurt a mosquito with this 1 ounce of strength). But It makes me anxious and fearful that I might say something rude to others, but everyone triggers me, like people get on my nerves all the time.
Now for the remaining issues, I wojt go in details and will just write them out.
8. Perfectionism
9. Need to tell everything from the start so that others dont miss out on anything that I know.
10. Want others to see the world through my eyes.
11. Need everything to be right be it other's POV or how the world works.
12. Fidgety/Restless/Skin peeler
13. Nice guy syndrome.
@Badie
It seems like we've a lot in common. I get where it's all coming from. For our symptoms maybe similar, I can't really say if it's ADHD. Personally for me, it's more of a habit thingy. But, if you really wanna figure out if it's actually ADHD or other stuffs... then maybe it's better if you talk to a mental health professional. You can also check out ADHD quiz to track your symptoms of ADHD https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/adhd-quiz#take-the-quiz
I have taken online quizes and tests..They all state the fact that I might have ADHD (strong chances). Therefore I stated all the symptoms here hoping others can share their opinions about it.
@Badie
Most of your symptoms match the symptoms of ADHD. Did you figure out the symptoms of ADHD that don't specifically align with you?
Hello Badie,
apart from the symptoms you mention, I find some of your other points interesting:
> I am not here to ask for any validation or to start a debate regarding anything. I just want to express the issues that I have been encountering as I cant discuss it with others while they constantly disregard me with "lazy, excuses, non-serious, unambitious, failed, coward, etc" labels.
When you claim you're not asking for a validation, I suppose you mean diagnosis. Obviously we can't confirm your diagnosis. But it is, in fact, validating to hear from others that they are experiencing similar things, that you're not making stuff up, that you're not "lazy" or a "coward". And I can assure you that you're not alone, and indeed most of the experiences you mention can be found in people with ADHD.
> There are many reasons why I haven't been to a professional for diagnosis such as lack of awareness in my country regarding Mental health. ... I want to lay out some personal issues and if anyone here knows how to deal with it their advise...
A good thing is that, when it comes to working around the behaviours we find limiting, ADHD doesn't feel too specific – most of the tricks to deal with procrastination may work. Seeing the processes behind ADHD may help to select out strategies with higher chances of success though. There are plenty of good free resources (like some articles in ADDitudeMag) that cover those issues, but I've discovered that "plenty" is a bit limiting, because finding "the thing" that works for you may be just as frustrating as the issue itself. I will point out some strategies I find useful personally below.
That brings me to the "professional help". In my country, the system is made in a way, that unless you want to try some medication, you don't need any official diagnosis. Even if you decide to get one, you need a bit of luck to stumble upon a psychiatrist that does not live 5 years in the past and doesn't laugh you off that "you're not a child anymore". And then, they don't have the time to go through your issues and give you advice. You need to find a therapist, or a coach, ideally with an ADHD expertise, to get that.
To be honest, for me, getting a diagnosis was also very validating, but I see more added value in the therapist I attend, who helps me to sort through the issues and viable strategies. So, if you feel stuck and have the option, I encourage you to find some.
To conclude this part, I find it better to think about the ADHD as a neurodivergence, not an disorder / illness. In some situations it's advantageous, in others the opposite. As I mentioned, some of the issues aren't ADHD specific, different people see different issues and tackle different challenges. You should focus on things that you feel are an issue, not quirks that you're okay with and could consider them as your trait. I've sought help because I couldn't deal with the fact that I felt perfectly capable of doing some tasks, and I've found them useful, yet I was unable to execute / finish them. I've failed some projects and my study because of this, and I did not want to get through that again. But I mean, admitting my limits and managing my expectations are, at the end, a huge part of the "solution". This I guess is also an answer to your "post title", it doesn't really matter whether it's ADHD. But it is validating to know that it's normal.
With that said, I'll focus on the issues you mention in your post:
> 1. Confused excitement/Hyperactivity/or whatever : ... This contradiction of my behaviour confuses me alot and makes me anxious while talking with anyone.
If you asked your friends / people who you interact with the most, they probably already see this as your trait, part of you being you. They don't care, and kinda expect that already. Unless people often point out that your interruption was impolite, I wouldn't bother much about it. And I'm aware of some situations I do this too, I find it too moderate for me to care about really.
> 3. Have so much to do, want to do, cant do : This keeps on happening until its the last day or deadline and then I magically cover 70-80% of the tasks with a feeling "only if I started sooner I could have actually completed it 100%".
Deadlines were, for the most of my university life, the main "driver" which also felt unhealthy since it imposed a lot of stress. Procrastination is a big issue. It is generally more difficult to start on a task than it is to follow through it. For me this is also connected with difficulties when it comes to planning and decision taking, possibly perfectionism in that context, and paralysis when it comes to long-term tasks. I try to structure the day up front, in the morning, so that I have 3-5 tasks ready that must be doable within the day (thus decomposition is a huge part of it; beware of the heavy underestimation). I also try to think about how breaks and meetings influence my day, and have these tasks at glance (paper sticky notes) when I need to quickly get back to it after some distraction / interrupt. It is not an easy thing to do, and I haven't mastered it yet, but at the same time it's one thing that visibly changed my day and ability to progress. Or to see the progress and not to feel bad about myself? Either way, worth it.
There are other well-known strategies, like setting up short alarms till the end of the task (which you don't want to drop then, as a cognitive fault) or making your own daily deadlines that you publicly commit to. Or working under a "group supervision", even virtual, just having the "background" of motivating people around... neither of those worked for me well so far.
> 4. Proud of quick thinking, frustrated of uncontrolled association of thoughts
I'd ask, which part of this you find frustrating? Is is connected to inability to maintain focus, losing things, time blindness, etc.,? Because on it's own I find it great 😁. But for example, to stay on task, I find the above helpful.
> 7. Temper issues
I experience the same, but I don't have a good answer for this one; it's a next big thing to tackle. Also, there are no ADHD meds yet that try to tackle impulsivity. I suppose that some form of a CBT could help, or soft-skill techniques that allows you to spot your behaviour and to "intervene" in time. But from what you wrote it is more of a fear / anxiety of doing so than actually doing it, in which case it may be useful to establish an open communication within your circle that could reassure you that if you "get there" they will try to let you know and help you.
I find the rest of your points are mostly covered by procrastination and things that are more your traits than problems.
With that, I whish you the best of luck tackling your problems! You're on the right track.
Mel