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Baegirlbae18
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts39 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceNovember 26, 2017
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In need of advice and also want to know if im just an asshole?.
Self-Esteem / by Baegirlbae18
Last post
 November 5th, 2025
...See more I know other people go through worse so what im feeling is probably not that deep...it doesnt have much effect on me but I do wish sometimes things were different. I think im very different from my family and the only one who has a job pretty much. My siblings are young...20 and 19 who are more eligible to work in the uk. Neither of them work and have been in and out of jobs and don't really try to get a job either. Theyre able to make money other ways though which is great and also both of them are studying as well though tbf. My mum has never worked, I know she hasn't...or maybe had one job in her lifetime, she kept having kids to receive benefit and my dad is abusive, manipulative, and has mental health issues. They're both 1st cousins. I've got 5 sisters and 1 brother. I dont talk to one sister and dont even call her my sister because of something that happened 2yrs ago where she got really personal and insulted me so I can never forgive this. My brother has got mental health issues as well and is in a care home...he does not talk to any of us and im no actually sure why. Tried reaching out but he just doesn't respond...he's active and cos hes underage if anything happened they'd let my mum know. Maybe something traumatic happened to him idk. My mums place isn't exactly great, not enough space and also not the best hygiene so it has an impact i guess. My siblings also do whatever they want like (nothing proper bad whcih gets them into trouble)...its just uncomfortable though...i don't feel like im part of my family. I get along with everyone but I donr feel like.im like them if that makes sense. Im married as well and I dont feel connected to my husband either. I feel like im scared incase he leaves me and also dont actually trust him if im honesy even though he gives me no reason at all to nor trust him and he is a good person. But it feels too serious, not comfortable exactly. We never argue, sometimes we do talk.about things...any disagreements though id get silent treatment. My husband does provide for me and im able to do things because he provides for me. I do feel guilty cos im on a low wage and would struggle alone. He does work a lot as well, hes a police detective soon planning to become a sergeant once he passes his exam...and I do feel insecure.abour this incase he leaves me for someone better or fancies someone else. I know there are more cheats in the police force. Also im trying to have a better career so that I can have better money and or even escape situations if it becomes bad. I do feel guilty for relying on my husband....and I don't actually feel comfortable opening up to him, I dont think he does either and we dont really talk about these things. I feel like.he does judge as well if im honest i can tell from some conversations ive had in the past with him. He is a good guy though and always goes out of his way to help others and me as well, when I ask him to do things, he does it. We are also trying for a baby... Idk my life does feel and also feels abit too serious and like I donr have any real place to feel like I belong. I do feel comfortable living with my husband tho and I do feel like its my home as well.
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Am In the wrong for thinking this way or feeling that type of reaction?
General Support / by Baegirlbae18
Last post
 April 13th, 2025
...See more Im peed off because my husbands mum asks him for money every month. Partner and I are saving together to buy a house and though she doesn't ask for much but we still struggle because of it. Today she asked for 40£, last month she asked for £150. I spoke to my husband about it today and told him it's an issue because if we have our own family and have kids, we'd be struggling because of this. He reassured me and told me it won't come to this because he will be making more. I understood and understand how hard life can be and it's hard to even get a stable job these days. My mil has a grown *** son and also has a husband, my husband told me that her husband pays for all her bills and also his brother pays for all the groceries and also runs out of money. I just find it abit annoying if im honest eventho I do understand and my husband also does pay all our bills so I'm not fussed. It's just that he said today he doesn't even spend a penny on himself and.he works literally long hours....so I feel bad. Also, we went for a coffee together today and I felt abit bitter with the fact that he could give his mum 40£ but couldn't me out for a meal today, he said we were running out of money and need to save and suggested that we go for a coffee together which ofc I was fine with until he sent his mum money. I do understand it's his money and he can do whatever he wants with it I know.... The thing is we are saving for a house and tho he does put away money when he can but that money that be giving to his mum couldve been used towards our savings even. I honestly dislike her for this a lot. My partner earns decent amount. I'm posting because i kinda wanna get other people's opinions and also wanna know if im actually being a ***. Today she asked him for money cos she has knee issues and wanted to go for acupuncture which helps her knee issue. My husband is kind and he even said he'd give me money too if I asked and even if we had kids he'd provide. I'm not exactly sure why I'm pressed but it could be cos of the fact we couldve saved more or that money couldve been spent on other things. My mil is a nice person but I seriously don't like her cos of this.
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Is it worth getting counselling for these things I'm feeling? How to help myself?
General Support / by Baegirlbae18
Last post
 January 18th, 2025
...See more Jobs/career ● Im struggling to get a good job because I feel like I lack skills. I'm not good with interviews and I often come across timid/shy therefore not everyone always thinks I'm capable of things. I can't even have my own thoughts it feels like for example someone might say something and other people can come up with different things/conclusions on a situation. I just seem like someone who just agrees. I struggle to speak to difficult people like I literally don't know how to respond, I manage to respond but then it's not the way I want to actually respond. I work in housing so for example someone on the phone could be demanding a property or I could speak to someone who's adamant about something and then I have to talk to them to not get their own way, but it feels difficult and I do feel myself going red and I do feel panicky inside....I don't speak up because of this and so I become self-conscious. I want to get a good job but I struggle because I don't even feel smart like I can't talk to others properly and also feel like I'm going to stay in low paying positions forever because I just don't take on challenges. Family ● Things have actually improved. There are things going on but I'm not that bothered about it and I do feel like this definitely makes me feel like a bad person. I don't talk to one of my 'sister', I don't call her my sister or count her, I stopped talking to her for about 2 or 3 years now I think because she's said some really horrible things to me just out of nowhere honestly and got really personal. She did do drugs and just kept on blaming it all on mental health using it as an excuse. I won't ever forgive her, I don't think about it though. About my brother, he is in a care home...he has autism they said and he literally doesn't want to see us so we can't really see him. I'm not that bothered about that one either which I also feel is strange....I was close to my brother abit at one point when he was younger. Now it just feels like he has no emotions and doesn't care about anyone not even about himself. My mum asks me to contact him so I do but then when there's a rejection it does sorta hurt so I just avoid it all. Loneliness I don't feel this one much maybe because I've got a big family and now I live with my partner. But sometimes I feel this one because I don't actually have anyone I call a friend. It feels like I want a friend but then I find myself not making the effort in wanting to talk or meet anyone. I'm quite social and talk to everyone, at work i interact with a lot of people and colleagues so this feels like it's enough for me but maybe it matters to me because it matters to my partner a lot. He has few friends he's been friends with for a very long time but he doesn't make any new friends and says him and I should both make friends. It's not something that is that important to me but I can see why it is important to others. My husband doesn't really have a big family so I suppose this does make sense a bit. Myself/what I'm like ● i think this bothers me a lot and is the main issue in my life right now for me as well being overly attached to my partner which I'll share after this. What i want to change about myself is being able to be direct with others without sounding not confident or uncomfortable and also I don't want to be going red when I'm having a disagreement with others or trying to get my point across. I want to work on speaking better and using better phrases and being able to think outside the box. I just want to become smart. Love life ● Married and attached to partner and I think I'm too focused on that. I get scared of losing him sometimes like he may leave me or find a better connection.with other women and it bothers me. He does work with a lot of women, he is very loyal and has not given me any signs of being disloyal. I feel jealous because sometimes I would have those thoughts....like he probably fancies his colleagues and has sexual thoughts about them, this makes me jealous because I just don't like the thought...I've asked myself why but I don't quite know. Also if I do have disagreement with my partner, (we very rarely do) i start panicking really badly thinking he might leave me and it scares me so much. I do like quite a lot of qualities about him but I just feel very attached to him.
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