In need of advice and also want to know if im just an asshole?.

I know other people go through worse so what im feeling is probably not that deep...it doesnt have much effect on me but I do wish sometimes things were different.

I think im very different from my family and the only one who has a job pretty much. My siblings are young...20 and 19 who are more eligible to work in the uk. Neither of them work and have been in and out of jobs and don't really try to get a job either. Theyre able to make money other ways though which is great and also both of them are studying as well though tbf. My mum has never worked, I know she hasn't...or maybe had one job in her lifetime, she kept having kids to receive benefit and my dad is abusive, manipulative, and has mental health issues. They're both 1st cousins. I've got 5 sisters and 1 brother. I dont talk to one sister and dont even call her my sister because of something that happened 2yrs ago where she got really personal and insulted me so I can never forgive this. My brother has got mental health issues as well and is in a care home...he does not talk to any of us and im no actually sure why. Tried reaching out but he just doesn't respond...he's active and cos hes underage if anything happened they'd let my mum know. Maybe something traumatic happened to him idk. My mums place isn't exactly great, not enough space and also not the best hygiene so it has an impact i guess. My siblings also do whatever they want like (nothing proper bad whcih gets them into trouble)...its just uncomfortable though...i don't feel like im part of my family. I get along with everyone but I donr feel like.im like them if that makes sense.

Im married as well and I dont feel connected to my husband either. I feel like im scared incase he leaves me and also dont actually trust him if im honesy even though he gives me no reason at all to nor trust him and he is a good person. But it feels too serious, not comfortable exactly. We never argue, sometimes we do talk.about things...any disagreements though id get silent treatment. My husband does provide for me and im able to do things because he provides for me. I do feel guilty cos im on a low wage and would struggle alone. He does work a lot as well, hes a police detective soon planning to become a sergeant once he passes his exam...and I do feel insecure.abour this incase he leaves me for someone better or fancies someone else. I know there are more cheats in the police force. Also im trying to have a better career so that I can have better money and or even escape situations if it becomes bad. I do feel guilty for relying on my husband....and I don't actually feel comfortable opening up to him, I dont think he does either and we dont really talk about these things. I feel like.he does judge as well if im honest i can tell from some conversations ive had in the past with him. He is a good guy though and always goes out of his way to help others and me as well, when I ask him to do things, he does it. We are also trying for a baby...

Idk my life does feel and also feels abit too serious and like I donr have any real place to feel like I belong. I do feel comfortable living with my husband tho and I do feel like its my home as well.