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BeckyL
8,801 M Pacing Forward
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts67 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2023 Member sinceApril 8, 2020
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Please help me! I am urgently seeking an explanation! It's killing me from inside.
Newbie Hub / by BeckyL
Last post
 March 28th, 2022
...See more Hi, I'm a 25 year old girl. And I don't really know how I'm gonna say this cause even I don't know how to really explain it. It started 2 days ago. I have never been obsessed with J-pop or k-pop or any other boybands. But my little sister has been obsessed with boy bands all her teenage life. She'd play their songs all day long. I have had a few guys I'm interested in but it's like admiring C.Ronaldo even if you don't play football. So what happened is, recently my little sister has been into this particular J-pop boy band and I've developed a crush on one of their band members. But it was never serious. I liked his smile, that was all it was. But 2 days ago, when I saw him again on TV, I suddenly felt this super huge urge to cry! Like I was missing him sooo much. My heart was racing, I had a hard time breathing. I couldn't keep calm. My mind was full of him. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Even though I felt hunger, I had no appetite. Till now I can't eat that well. I always have a bottle of water with me at all times. I drink 2/3 ltrs a day. But since this strange thing happened to me, I might've drank maybe a bottle of water. Yesterday was the worst! Since the moment I woke up, all I could think about was him. After the little breakfast I had (which I almost puked out), I had this terrible urge to cry so I ran to the bathroom and just cried my eyes out. I felt so terrible but I don't know why I'm like this. I have a full time job but this is effecting my work and I can't get anything done. My senior is furious with me but how do I explain this to her? I'm lovesick? No! I have been in love so I know what lovesickness is! I've had my heart broken before too and it kinda felt like that, but why?! Just why?! I don't understand it! Since yesterday all I've been doing is following him on instagram, likeing all his posts, researching about him and looking at any videos I can find of him. Why don't I stop?! I can't! I've tried but I can't stop! And a few hours ago, I got news that Japan was hit by a massive earthquake. And guess what?! I panicked! I got super worried about him. My body temperature rose and fell, rose and fell, heartbeat skyrocketted, etc. I messaged him even though I knew he would never open the message. I'm cranky, panicky and I have a very very short temper! I hate this feeling. I panicked so much that I just downloaded this app and had to let this out. Somebody help me. Why am I like this?! I wanna cry so bad even as I am typing this message. I'm not a cry-er. I didn't even cry when my grandfather died. But why now? Why this?! There has to be something more to this than just having a simple crush. This isn't love. This is a horrible feeling and it's killing me slowly. I hate that I am feeling like this. Please don't tell me I'm in love. I'm not. But why am I being like this?! I'm devastated! Help me, please!
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