Please help me! I am urgently seeking an explanation! It's killing me from inside.
Hi, I'm a 25 year old girl. And I don't really know how I'm gonna say this cause even I don't know how to really explain it. It started 2 days ago. I have never been obsessed with J-pop or k-pop or any other boybands. But my little sister has been obsessed with boy bands all her teenage life. She'd play their songs all day long. I have had a few guys I'm interested in but it's like admiring C.Ronaldo even if you don't play football. So what happened is, recently my little sister has been into this particular J-pop boy band and I've developed a crush on one of their band members. But it was never serious. I liked his smile, that was all it was. But 2 days ago, when I saw him again on TV, I suddenly felt this super huge urge to cry! Like I was missing him sooo much. My heart was racing, I had a hard time breathing. I couldn't keep calm. My mind was full of him. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Even though I felt hunger, I had no appetite. Till now I can't eat that well. I always have a bottle of water with me at all times. I drink 2/3 ltrs a day. But since this strange thing happened to me, I might've drank maybe a bottle of water. Yesterday was the worst! Since the moment I woke up, all I could think about was him. After the little breakfast I had (which I almost puked out), I had this terrible urge to cry so I ran to the bathroom and just cried my eyes out. I felt so terrible but I don't know why I'm like this. I have a full time job but this is effecting my work and I can't get anything done. My senior is furious with me but how do I explain this to her? I'm lovesick? No! I have been in love so I know what lovesickness is! I've had my heart broken before too and it kinda felt like that, but why?! Just why?! I don't understand it! Since yesterday all I've been doing is following him on instagram, likeing all his posts, researching about him and looking at any videos I can find of him. Why don't I stop?! I can't! I've tried but I can't stop! And a few hours ago, I got news that Japan was hit by a massive earthquake. And guess what?! I panicked! I got super worried about him. My body temperature rose and fell, rose and fell, heartbeat skyrocketted, etc. I messaged him even though I knew he would never open the message. I'm cranky, panicky and I have a very very short temper! I hate this feeling. I panicked so much that I just downloaded this app and had to let this out. Somebody help me. Why am I like this?! I wanna cry so bad even as I am typing this message. I'm not a cry-er. I didn't even cry when my grandfather died. But why now? Why this?! There has to be something more to this than just having a simple crush. This isn't love. This is a horrible feeling and it's killing me slowly. I hate that I am feeling like this. Please don't tell me I'm in love. I'm not. But why am I being like this?! I'm devastated! Help me, please!
@BeckyL
That sounds like a lot of emotion going on! It can be so easy to have a crush on someone famous, and it is concerning when it goes to this level.
What is it about this fellow that appeals to you so much?
I've ready about something called Celebrity Worship Syndrome and Celebrity Obsession. And it can be an indication of other things (anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive, etc.) that are going on as well.
What else is going on in your life?
I'm not sure. Maybe continuous stress from work? Or I've been planning to start a diy and crafts online shop. I've been working really hard on it for a while. But since I've developed this "condition" I haven't had the energy to even think about that. I was so excited to start it just a few weeks ago but that has completely disappeared! I've already gathered everything and have spent so much money on investment. There are still so many things that has to be done. But I can't even get my hands to touch them. I'm so worried!
And since last night I've been seriously thinking of going to Japan and working there just in case I get to meet him in person! That is so stupid! I won't get anywhere just by worshipping him! I know that very well but something in me is pushing me really really hard. I can't even speak Japanese. Japan is not gonna do much for me that's why I don't wanna gooo. But it's like a giant magnet is pulling me towards it.
But I do have anxiety and depression. But I've always had it. So why now? Why him? What was the trigger? There's so many other dudes more handsome and cooler than him. He's the cutesy type. I've never been into the cutesy types.
@BeckyL
My condolences on the loss of your grandfather.
-----------------------------------------------
Have you tried the 7Cups chat rooms ?
I am inviting to get support in the 7Cups Sharing Circle chat room.
dw !! u dont and shouldnt have to feel ashamed, this is completely normal. it sounds a lot like a crush and some emotional stress or anxiety. it can be hard to deal with. i hope ur okay !!
@BeckyL
Have you tried the 7Cups chat rooms ?
I am inviting you to come to the 7Cups Sharing Circle chat room for support.
