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BekaD84
722 M Little Steps
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts87 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes38 Current upvotes38 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2022 Member sinceSeptember 12, 2022
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Is there anyone out there like me?
35 & Over Community / by BekaD84
Last post
 September 20th, 2022
...See more Hello, I stumbled onto this site in kind of a blind panic last night, but the few people I did talk to a bit seemed "like-minded" and pretty welcoming, so I figured I'd give it a try. I'm Beka, 37F (but my brain feels the same as it did when I was 17...), CIS and straight (boring, right? ;P ), diagnoses bipolar, PTSD, major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, substance abuse disorder (though I'm on the straight-and-narrow now) and ADHD. I was never formally diagnosed with autism, but I assume I'm on the spectrum somewhere as I'm a bit of an idiot savant - I'm working on my 5th post-grad degree (this one is a Master's, but I have 2 associate collegiate degrees, a bachelors degree, and a doctorat4e already), I started college when most people start high school, I've excelled in everything I've managed to focus on...but sometimes simple daily things escape me. Everything got so much worse about 3 years ago, when I experienced my first major "triggering" event (though, really, the previous 6 months had been a nightmare in their own right), started experiencing PTSD, and then proceeded to have subsequent horrible things happen every 4-6 months, any one of which would have been sufficient to spark the PTSD by itself. My life just fell apart. I've basically been a shut-in for the past 2 years, not really working, no (functioning) car, no one to talk to. I've been hospitalized about 6 times, been on full-blown ventilation All I have to keep me busy is my online schooling and the random craziness in my head. I feel really alone. I feel like no one could possibly understand me; after everything I've done and been through, things that I now know first-hand you may think you understand before you experience them, but you don't. I thought I understood trauma, and pain, and PTSD, and death (I'm a nurse by trade)...but I absolutely did not. But, maybe I'll get lucky and find some people here. Thank you for reading, to anyone who does...maybe it will help some to at least put it out there and tell someone, who might "listen" and might understand. I look forward to meeting you!
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