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BlackKnights321
1 180 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes22 Current upvotes22 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2020 Member sinceMarch 1, 2020
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Im 21 and have yet to get women to find me physically attractive, so i started abusing steroids..
Relationship Stress / by BlackKnights321
Last post
 May 16th, 2020
...See more every time i look in the mirror, i see a short, black, fugly, toothpick of a manlet. Ive grew up without experiencing teenage love which i didnt care for at all, until that started carrying onto my adult life. I managed to keep friends after high school, but i always had to be the unfortunate soul to hear about their relationships and sexual encounters. when theres me, a guy who hasnt even held hands with a girl. i dont have hatred or animosity towards women at all. and i dont blame them for not wanting to date me. because if i were in their shoes, i wouldnt date me either. i had no desire to go to college, but i do have a decent paying job at my dads job. so its not like im completely broke and have nothing going for myself in that department. i just hate the fact that my physical appearance heavily hinders my ability to get into a relationship, especially factors that i cannot change without shelling out thousands of dollars for plastic surgery. not even women who i would consider to be my league are attractive to me. eventually i started going on steroids in an attempt to improve my looks. but honestly it did way more harm to me than good. yes it is true that i was able to gain muscle through extensive workout routines. and i did start getting slightly more frequent and positive attention from women afterwords. but that didnt make me happy, all it did was make me feel 100x worse about myself. and lets not forget the fact due to me being on anabolic steroids, i started having frequent mood swings, bad acne, my heart is constantly racing on and off, and just recently started developing thoughts of complete worthlessness and that eventally turned into suicidal thoughts and tendencies. i regret going on these steroids, it shattered my self esteem tenfold and caused preventable health problems, mentally and physically. I already had ADHD, but going on these steroids made that situation worse. I want advice on how to get better? i could really use any advice. thank you for reading this.
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From being on this forum for some Time now, I got a better understanding of
Relationship Stress / by BlackKnights321
Last post
 December 6th, 2020
...See more So I'm sure a lot of you have heard of the term "incel," which is a person or group of people that are unable to have a relationship, whether it's sexual or romantic, despite wanting one. It's has formed into a growing community of men (and women too, but the communities are separate) who aren't able to form loving relationship and become bitter and angry due to it. Of course I'm not gonna come to the defense of these communities that say such mysoginistic/misandristic things. But I want to shed light on what has caused such communities to grow and why I believe incels are a symptom of a ongoing problem within society. I honestly believe all people that label themselves "incels" just want one thing, and that's to be loved. I believe everyone deserves to be loved, whether it be from family, friends, or girlfriend/boyfriend. I don't agree with anyone that says "no one is entitled to love," because that's honestly the most heartless thing to say to another human being. People can actually die from loneliness and lovelessness, or kill themselves over it. So to constantly rip on and attack these communities you're not helping but you're actually contributing to the problem. I'm sure people that label themselves incels didn't just wake up one day and just decided to become hateful and sexist out of the cold blue. What I noticed with a lot of these people is that majority of them came from a dysfunctional home. I know I came from (1/2)
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I get the constant feeling my girlfriend doesnt love me anymore.
Relationship Stress / by BlackKnights321
Last post
 March 4th, 2020
...See more So me and my current girlfriend have been dating since june of 2019, and weve been friends since middle school. everything has been going great for us, at least id like to think she is. Ill give a little backstory about me, ever since i was a kid i was physically abused by my family, and i had no support system available to me so i was forced to deal with it. ive also had issues with being antisocial due to me having huge trust issues thanks to my family. whenever i had issues and i would tell them id get criticized and be told to just man up. i basically thought that if i cant even trust my own family then who can i trust? as a result i pretty much shut myself out of social circles. im 21 now and i have been a loner for as long as i can remember. thats when i met this girl, names wont be mentioned, in middle school. she was your typical quiet girl and honestly i wanted to be her friend because we did share a interest in anime. we didnt have much interaction in high school but we didnt start dating till after high school. i had another girlfriend before her but in the end she cheated on me and told me to my face i was undatable unless i had money. honestly, that really stuck with me and still does to this day. i get im not an attractive person but man did my self esteem take a big nose dive as it wasnt already low enough. my girlfriend has been supportive of me despite my mental health issues, but honestly i wouldnt blame her if she decides to leave me. i just cant help but think im not good enough for her and we have had discussion, and a couple times, arguments about this but she assures me she loves me and only me. But my mind has a tendency to constantly think she just doesnt love me anymore, to the point i just cant help but quietly cry myself to sleep. i feel like im my own worst enemy. do any of you have any advice for me and suggestions for help of any sort? i dont want to ruin the one good thing i have due to my own paranoia. thank you.
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