From being on this forum for some Time now, I got a better understanding of
So I'm sure a lot of you have heard of the term "incel," which is a person or group of people that are unable to have a relationship, whether it's sexual or romantic, despite wanting one. It's has formed into a growing community of men (and women too, but the communities are separate) who aren't able to form loving relationship and become bitter and angry due to it. Of course I'm not gonna come to the defense of these communities that say such mysoginistic/misandristic things. But I want to shed light on what has caused such communities to grow and why I believe incels are a symptom of a ongoing problem within society. I honestly believe all people that label themselves "incels" just want one thing, and that's to be loved. I believe everyone deserves to be loved, whether it be from family, friends, or girlfriend/boyfriend. I don't agree with anyone that says "no one is entitled to love," because that's honestly the most heartless thing to say to another human being. People can actually die from loneliness and lovelessness, or kill themselves over it. So to constantly rip on and attack these communities you're not helping but you're actually contributing to the problem. I'm sure people that label themselves incels didn't just wake up one day and just decided to become hateful and sexist out of the cold blue. What I noticed with a lot of these people is that majority of them came from a dysfunctional home. I know I came from (1/2)
its a true problem. incels are being bashed and groups like ISIS are actually incels. because if you just say youre an incel you are considered a terrorist. also another cause to this social problem is that women are allowed every immoral behavior in them is encouraged. women are hypergamous in nature and men are taught that in order to find a mate they need to work their ass off for years. during these years, the women have had a lot of fun and sex while the man stayed a virgin. this created mental problems for the man, who mostly doesnt reach the stage of finding a mate. but if he does , he will definitely be a wife-beater. since the jealousy over working your ass off for 10 years just to find this secondhand woman who cheats on you - is too big.
I'm an incel but I don't really hold a grudge against women or anything. I just ended up turning that anger into self-hatred but that's probably a bad thing since it makes me less likely to ever find love because I can't love myself.
But yeah, as for my background, I'm a victim of domestic abuse and extreme bullying in school.
I don't really know what to do about it because therapy and medication don't help me.
@SammieW incel as well here. i got abused at school as well. what i noticed is that only the bullies are the ones who got girls. and to this day they still manage to get girls and are loved, but me i never had any chance. i just am considered a weirdo for not having the social skills required.
hi its gotten worse for me since social media was introduced in our country. women are completely uninterested in anyone who doesnt have a car + paid off home + 6 foot tall. people are starting to turn to homosexuality because they have no other choice and masculinity is ridiculed in reality shows on tv and radio
which ways are there to take revenge on society and women, legally?
@BlackKnights321
Things are not fair.
We can try to understand things, and overcome. But it is not fair and never has been. I also wonder why these things are as they are. But regardless of why, it is this way.
Women and Men do not want the same things from each other. Trying to get a woman to give us what we want by first giving her also what WE want will not work. We have ALL tried it.
The very core of the person Man/Woman is different. Not good vs evil, just different. There is a very specific set of things that make most women are attracted to in most men. The issue is in our willingness and in some cases ability to do these things. The other factor is social services. In the distant past women would love men that would provide them security. This was the largest need that most any man big or small, smart or slow could fulfill. Now days, the legal system and laws in the west make it so that the women get security from the government and really don't need men. The government will take from the men and give to the women, causing women to have most of the power. Now women do not need men for security, and will only choose men for physical attraction or status. Many times they are happy to share and compete for one good looking man instead of going with a less attractive but hard working one(incel).
We learn as children now that things are supposed to be fair, and if it is not fair someone in power will step in and fix it. Giving equal resources to any who need or want regardless of contribution. For everything except loving and affectionate mates. The top tier men like having many women to compete for them while the others work. Think early Rome and how the cast system was. The men in charge took as many women as they wanted and at any time, while the slaves would be killed if... This is the dark side of human nature.
It is OK to be a man alone, but do it because we want to and not because of no choice. We do have a choice and can win if addressing the needs. Thing is, do we really want to do that when we know why. And when we win then the next problem of how to keep things good, as there is always a more shiny guy around the corner.
@ColdFireBurns
Twice, I have had an incel take interest in me and then been verbally attacked when:
- I did not recognize that they had those feelings and believed we had a great platonic relationship
- I did not return those feelings
So much of what I read in this thread is misguided and misinformed.
I have ADHD and I am a people pleaser. I’m also hyper sensitive to other people’s feelings. Especially those I am friends with. I would never intentionally ignore someone’s feelings.
Looking back, I can see that in the first instance, the incel often gave me gifts. Gift-giving is the love language I speak (not the love language I need for my partner to provide). This did not indicate his special interest for me. I often give my friends gifts. It is how I express my love for everyone, not just people who I have a romantic interest in. I never give gifts with the expectations to receive something in return. And that’s really the main issue I see with incels. Anything they give to a woman (time, conversation, emotional support, paying for a date, doing a favor) they EXPECT and feel entitled to something in return. Most often, what they feel entitled to is sex / a romantic relationship. That’s really not fair, and that’s not something a person who truly loves another would expect.
If you are an incel looking for growth, I would suggest you consider the following:
- Have you make it explicitly clear to the person you’re interested in that you have romantic feelings for them from the beginning? You cannot be passive about this. People cannot know your feelings if you do not tell them.
- Everyone is worthy of love, but you are not entitled to love from specific people, other than your family.
- Women need to feel a connection with another person in order to develop a romantic relationship. A connection cannot develop through gift-giving, or any type of material expression of caring/ love. Connection comes from fully opening yourself to another person. Show them your vulnerability. This is a very hard thing to do emotionally, especially for men, but then pay off will be huge.
Anyway, I hope this helps at least one person.
@MaCaRH
I can see how you would feel the way you tell based on what has happened. I like how you tell this :)
I will tell from a mans side on the same idea.
I would not defend someone that is for no good reason becaomes verbally abusive; that is a wrong way to behave.
How did you know these men are incel? Did they tell you or did you guess or ??
--
This is a normal problem you tell that is even more general. It goes like this;
- boy is attracted to girl
- boy approaches girl in a variety of ways
- girl likes boy, and is happy for the attention
- the end :)
or..
- girl does not like boy and is annoyed or thinks he is a creep
- girl rejects boy even if nice about it.
- boy is annoyed and lashes out verbally.
---
What I suggest is this interaction is not specific to any group. The main thing is if the girl is attracted to the boy that is approaching. If she is, almost anything he tells or does (witthin reason..) is going to be good. She will not think he is incel.
For some boys/men it is very difficult to accept the rejection. Girls are no different, I have rejected girls before and they will get furiouse. Ever hear about they saying to watch out for a woman scorned.
--
The suggestion I have is to consider any guy approaching you as intrested in romance. This is the driving force that cause men to approach. While it is possible for it to not be the case, usually it will be. You don't have to try to lead them on, just by being nice they will feel it is ok to proceed. Most guys that are single will want romance, it is biologically built into them. Let them know early if your not intrested, lots of girls tell about a boyfriend that does not really exist....
--
So if the guy is single and often even if he is not, he will likely have some type of romantic intrest for you. The details of that vary case by case. It is up to the girl to set and manage boundary. Some men will just leave you alone after you do that as they are not intrested in just being friends. Some will not understand that your maybe means no.. make clear early if it is no. The tricky one is when you initially felt yes, and then change to no. That is your right and it happens, tell the guy as soon as you know. Expect some disapointment from him. Some guys are so afraid of the rejection that they might not ever tell you they are intrested until months or years.. Most (not all) of the platonic friends are men that have intrest in you and are either afraid of rejection or waiting for you to increast intrest.
Finally, if the guy is giving you a hard time and he tells that his excuse to do that is because of being incel and you have not tried to lead him on and you told him early that it was no. Then he is a jerk. Some jerks are incel, some are not.
