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BluBeach2025
1 152 M Embraced 1
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2025 Member sinceAugust 17, 2025
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Feel lost
Friendship Support / by BluBeach2025
Last post
 August 19th, 2025
...See more I really don't know where to start with this. I just turned 40 I'm fighting disability for a year and a half of my life. During this time I've pretty much lost everything. Lost my career I was a manager for a high-end restaurant I've always been a hard worker. I left my home when I was 15 due to an abusive father and as I got older, I realized that she didn't think he was my father which made sense to how he treated me. I'm sure I reminded him of my mother. My mother was an alcoholic that who knew about who knows what else she took but she thought her life was more important than her kids. I was broke and I struggled to drugs and alcohol and partying and having a good time when I was young I went through a cycle of self-sabotaging holding myself back. Felt undeserving I guess subconsciously. Something happened at some point. I won't get too far into it but it allowed me to see clearly that the only thing holding me back was me. I decided to work hard and I did just that. Work was my distraction. It was my anchor. I revolved myself around it. When I was unable to work anymore it destroyed me My trauma took over my self-doubt my struggles . The thing is I wasn't the only one struggling through this. My fiance was too I was too broken to be there for her when she needed me. And in turn I needed her and I wasn't able to get that either. I lost my best friend, the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She walked away from me taking my two daughters. Let's just compiled my trauma. My self-doubt I'm currently in trauma therapy and senior psychiatrist . Getting the help that for a long time I didn't think I needed. I was approved for my disability on the 11th of this month. It'll take 40 to 60 days to get my payment. This month my rent was paid on the 14th by a friend, the church and donations. It was the last day before The eviction process would have started. My credit went from being amazing in the 700s to a complete joke I have no money to my name. The car I have has broken down. It's a car that I was able to get after my Honda CRV was taken away at the same time as my house. I really have no Idea what to do right now. I'm doing the best that I can under the circumstances to put the stresses that I have in God's hands. I'm not even sure what I need.
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Lost in life
Friendship Support / by BluBeach2025
Last post
 August 19th, 2025
...See more I really don't know where to start with this. I just turned 40 I'm fighting disability for a year and a half of my life. During this time I've pretty much lost everything. Lost my career I was a manager for a high-end restaurant I've always been a hard worker. I left my home when I was 15 due to an abusive father and as I got older, I realized that she didn't think he was my father which made sense to how he treated me. I'm sure I reminded him of my mother. My mother was an alcoholic that who knew about who knows what else she took but she thought her life was more important than her kids. I was broke and I struggled to drugs and alcohol and partying and having a good time when I was young I went through a cycle of self-sabotaging holding myself back. Felt undeserving I guess subconsciously. Something happened at some point. I won't get too far into it but it allowed me to see clearly that the only thing holding me back was me. I decided to work hard and I did just that. Work was my distraction. It was my anchor. I revolved myself around it. When I was unable to work anymore it destroyed me My trauma took over my self-doubt my struggles . The thing is I wasn't the only one struggling through this. My fiance was too I was too broken to be there for her when she needed me. And in turn I needed her and I wasn't able to get that either. I lost my best friend, the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She walked away from me taking my two daughters. Let's just compiled my trauma. My self-doubt I'm currently in trauma therapy and senior psychiatrist . Getting the help that for a long time I didn't think I needed. I was approved for my disability on the 11th of this month. It'll take 40 to 60 days to get my payment. This month my rent was paid on the 14th by a friend, the church and donations. It was the last day before The eviction process would have started. My credit went from being amazing in the 700s to a complete joke I have no money to my name. The car I have has broken down. It's a car that I was able to get after my Honda CRV was taken away at the same time as my house. I really have no Idea what to do right now. I'm doing the best that I can under the circumstances to put the stresses that I have in God's hands. I'm not even sure what I need.
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40 and lost
Friendship Support / by BluBeach2025
Last post
 August 19th, 2025
...See more Hello everyone, I just turned 40 recently. Been fighting disability for a year and a half. I lost my career in high end food management. I lost my home 6 months ago. My family crumbled and my ex-fiance took my daughters for me. We both struggled my health. Declining really messed with me and she blamed me for not being there for her like I should have. I have good friends but I've always been the rock. I've always been the one but they went to. And I'm struggling to reach out like I should. I feel lost my whole life. I've been out of my own since I was 15 due to an abusive father and a mother that was messed up. Oh who knows what mostly alcohol and thought her life was more important than ours. I'm currently in trauma therapy which I really didn't even know I needed I thought I was past the point of needing any of that. I stayed busy working. It was my distraction. When I was young I leaned into alcohol and partying. And now I'm struggling with the want to drink. My internal struggles are eating me up. I really don't know what it is I'm looking for.
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