Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
BlueNeutron
74,692 M Big Steps 6
PathStep 40 Compassion hearts543 Forum posts51 Forum upvotes82 Current upvotes82 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceOctober 26, 2019
Bio
Recent forum posts
BlueNeutron profile picture
Through their eyes
Depression Support / by BlueNeutron
Last post
 December 17th, 2020
...See more They expect me to see the world through their eyes.. they expect to understand me while they look at my world through their eyes.. They don't know how hard I try to only match some of the colors in their eyes, how hard it is to stay still even when my act seems to fall before their eyes.. my world keeps bursting out of range, never content, never in place, fires and flames catching all over, chaotic beyond repair, vigorously loud and constantly shaking, but all gets swallowed into absolute stagnancy and utter silence when they look at me through their eyes.
BlueNeutron profile picture
How a "peaceful" days are like for me, a depression sufferer
Depression Support / by BlueNeutron
Last post
 November 17th, 2020
...See more Daily at least once.. Daily I fall apart at least once. Daily I melt down at least once. Daily my spine and scattered pieces break at least once. Daily I grief at least once. Daily my whole world collapses at least once. Daily my hope crumbles at least once. Daily, I get overwhelmed at least once. Daily I dissociate at least once. Daily I want to bury myself under that blanket and never move wishing to vanish at least once. Daily I fail at least once.. Daily.. but I also get up daily, at least once I try to put on a smile and a brave face daily, do an honest effort daily, I continuously attempt to do better than the previous day daily, continuously try to function despite my growing mental deterioration daily, continually try to shield that extreme weakness and fragility daily, continuously and desperately try to somehow slowly turn into something stronger daily.. Anything stronger.. Continuously try to pass eah and every episode daily, continuously try to keep my head up at least a bit daily, continuously try to silver line a never ending losing war of only losing battles daily. And daily.. I fear how much weaker I get and fear how much longer I can push..
BlueNeutron profile picture
How do I cope?
Depression Support / by BlueNeutron
Last post
 February 21st, 2024
...See more It has been pointed out for me, lately, that my depression is more likely to be chemical and it actually makes a lot if sense, however I can't afford medications or therapy anytime soon. Almost nothing I do help. Doing hobbies, going out, physical activities, connecting with people, watching comedies or anything, working on something.. Anything. How can I possibly stand a chance in not soaking in that pit of misery, please? :(
BlueNeutron profile picture
Still depressed alone
Depression Support / by BlueNeutron
Last post
 April 6th, 2020
...See more So I'll put it like it is; I'm struggling with depression alone, I wasn't welcomed when I reached out before it gotten that bad, but kicked in the teeth and looked down at instead. The only person I could tell about my struggle was both my best friend and lover, he broke my heart about it over and over, and I regret telling him about it. My fight is a daily struggle, and I'm seeking the support I failed to find in my real life. More than just a random one time chat. It's frustrating when I get my requests (whether personal or random) not taken, or when listeners stop replying.. etc. Reaching for help is already hard as it is. And I'm not the best at expressing, and that's even worse. I don't expect someone to show up and solve my problems or heals my wounds for me. I wish I could find someone to cheer for me while I try, support me, not judge how bad I fail or how hopeless I feel a lot. If any listener out there is willing to help or if you know a listener who is, I'd be super grateful. Thanks for taking the time to read.
BlueNeutron profile picture
Not the only one!
Depression Support / by BlueNeutron
Last post
 February 21st, 2020
...See more Depression is not a mood, depression is not a feeling, depression is a place that kidnaps you from the world, keeps pulling you like deadly dunes, traps you in its darkness, puts you in the illusion of it being endless, no doors, no escapes, just you helplessly alone in an empty, emotionally freezing blackhole.. It uses people's cruelty and the world's rush to make strip you from hope, to cut your hands before they reach out.. Make sure you know that you're worth the time to stop and fight back, to stop and reach out, you're worth all the help you need, even if the abyss does feel really endless, you don't have to be in it alone, it won't burden the right ones, but it'll definitely give you a little hint of light and later on a flame of warmth and love. Keep fighting, I'm always rooting for you. -A lonely fellow depressee.
Search more from @BlueNeutron
Talk to an expert therapist
She has a deep understanding for my situation, always happy to assist me with...
Reviewed Jun 16, 2026
Talk to Lisa Now
Badges & Awards
33 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Super Active Bubbly Chief Chat Honest Voice Confident Voice Power Voice Strong Start Milestone Journeying Strong Reconnect Walking Together Strong Bond First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor Community First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Loving Soul Bundled Group Chimer Togetherness Teammate Group Friend Forum Friend Meaghan's Heart Strong Bond I
Report an issue