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Bornfordrama
68 M Embraced
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2020 Member sinceAugust 22, 2020
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I apologize if this is too graphic
Newbie Hub / by Bornfordrama
Last post
 August 23rd, 2020
...See more I recently visited friends in Europe (Italy France and the UK) as I hadnt left my apartment once since the begging of the pandemic - I became obsessed with my work as an artist and terrified of going outside. My husband couldnt join, and I was extremely anxious about traveling alone, but since my headspace finally seemed so good we agreed it was best for me to have a break. since day 1 of the trip I was back to myself 15 years ago. I had been a serious addict between the ages of 18 and 24 - heroin, coke, cocaine - only recently I found out that not only was i bipolar but i had serious traumas from childhood that I was desperate to repress. On the trip, any drug I could take I would, i didnt sleep or eat for 12 days and I canceled meeting friends to focus on my sexual compulsion (Im LGBT, BiPolarII). I injected for the first time in 13 years (crystal and heroin) and allowed men effectively to pimp me out. i paid for male escorts from my husbands bank account - not caring that he would find out. I was convinced I was having the time of my life. Even waking up at a sex party where I must have been raped so hard that there were bruises all over my lower back I continued my binge, eventually having sex with a 70 yo man with no teeth. im sorry if this is too graphic for the forum but I needed to write it all down before my memories become even fuzzier. i missed 3 flights back. Eventually my husband saw his bank account and took action sending a friend to see me. Within hours of no drugs I was screaming at the flashbacks of what Id done and who I had been. All I know is that I wasnt my true self, someone happy and creative that I only managed to get to know in the last 6nmonths. I had been massively on top of my bipolar and CPTSD before the trip and now I feel like 2 years of work has become redundant. Has anyone experienced a time-limited relapse that they could quickly move on from? I can't bare the thought of any alternative.
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