BossXD0 Member Profile

...See more Hi, i'm new here. To start off i was anxious even trying to talk to a listener here and posting here made makes me anxious too, but i feel brave today. Let's start when i was kid, the trauma always begins there right? I was always void of social contact, almost my entire childhood and one time i did have some, but the person ignored me and played with my sister instead. I understand now that they were all young and stuff, but still, i don't think that set a good impression in my mind as a kid. Other than that, i didn't have much social interaction as a kid, i was alone in my mind, hey at least i had a good imaginination. So then we left that house, and we went to another one, the entire time i was there (about 2 years, i think we got there when i was 10) i had no social contact other than my family, none. So we had to leave that place because of a few reasons, i'm not gonna go into the details. We were forced to start traveling full time in an RV, a really messed up RV. And i did make a few friends finally, all temporary and most of them were young/fake/didn't care, there were a few real ones that i couldn't keep. So then i gave up trying to make friends, like actually going outside, because it made me incredibly anxious and no friend was long term, a month at the most. Being an introvert, i like to have a few friends that are very close and constantly making new ones i didn't know was painful, so that's another reason i gave up on it. So now, i will go into how i act now in social situations after you heard my "sob story" I don't make eye contact, ever. It feels like their eyes are staring into my soul and i probably seem really shifty because i will literally look behind me just to occupy how anxious i feel and fidget constantly. When people do seem interested in talking to me, i become an endless bucket of information and facts that won't stop talking, so i feel like most people would get irritated at that. Suprisingly, i don't get all that anxious in crowds unless they're compact or it's in an unfimilar place, otherwise i know that no one really cares about me. But in 1 on 1 is when i feel like i'm walking through tar or if it's a smaller group of people. When i go for walks in a campground, i avoid people, if there is a person walking their dog, i will take a wide arch around them or just wait for them to pass by, it's really bad. And speaking of which, i avoid all social situations to begin with and i avoid being near people. I'm sure other people can relate in some way, but i highly doubt anyone is in the same situation i'm in right now, with RVing and being raised in isolation for the most part (it was in a rural area on a col da sack). Anyways, hi 7 cups community.

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