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Cannotletgo
3,018 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts70 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceJune 3, 2020
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Think I self-sabotaged my 5 year LDR with my boyfriend
Relationship Stress / by Cannotletgo
Last post
 August 30th, 2023
...See more My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. I love him to pieces. However, I think my jealousy and insecurity have self-sabotaged our relationship a bit. For context, we had been together 3 years in person and the last 2 years have been long distance. I recently came across anxious and avoidant attachment styles and I realise that I’m the anxious and he’s the avoidant type, so I’ve been wanting more calls, more texts, more communication and sometimes he wants more space and more distance. I haven’t always been a jealous person but in the early stages of our relationship, there was an instance where I found him still swiping on a dating app but he came clean about it, did it for validation, apologized etc., and I thought I got fully over it, didn’t really think about it much. We usually see each other once in 2 months but with uni and work it’s tough. Right now our longest separation will be 4 months. He has been on a solo trip in a different country (I couldn’t go as a summer job thing came up). He was giving me a lot of updates and having fun meeting new people and I was super happy for him. There was one instance of being jealous of a girl, which I immediately texted him about, then when we called a few days later was cleared up. Similarly, there was another instance where he was out clubbing and posting stories (he never wants to do either with me) which I brought up as a thing that upset me but he didn’t take it well and I didn’t mean to come off controlling I just wanted him to go out clubbing with me too when he was back. Anyway that made him upset and he wanted space, when he was ready he told me to wait for an opportunity when we can call each other to discuss things rather than text him things immediately. I apologized and agreed to how we would communicate. Things seemed fine. But lately I feel like he’s pulling away more each day, when he calls it’s for 5 minutes, once in a week, he doesn’t text me often, when i bring it up he tells me I’m overthinking it. I don’t want to push him away more so I haven’t brought it up again but it’s driving me insane. I don’t understand how this is a relationship if we haven’t really had a sit down call for more than 10 mins in 2 months and will not for another month as well?? We don’t call we don’t text but we have plans of visiting each other in the end, my mind immediately goes to thinking that he is planning a breakup for then in person and I really want to stop torturing myself over this.
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How to stop
Relationship Stress / by Cannotletgo
Last post
 June 3rd, 2020
...See more My ex and I broke up 3 months ago after 1.5 years of dating because of a lot of stress from university and other things (no cheating etc). We initially agreed we could get back together after spending some time apart. We continued talking, sending memes etc but now it seems like he's fully moved on. Day before, he started to send flirty messages but he immediately apologized for doing so and said "what we had was special but we are too young to settle and I need to figure somethings about myself first and to do that I want to date other people and explore". This broke me all over again and I stopped all communication with him - but I can't seem to stop wanting him back. Any advice is appreciated!
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