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Caterpillar0314
163 M Embraced 1
PathStep 17 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2018 Member sinceNovember 15, 2018
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My Childhood Trauma
Trauma Support / by Caterpillar0314
Last post
 January 7th, 2019
...See more Im not quite sure how to begin. I have never told a single soul about my childhood trauma. After all these years I have managed to forget a lot of it. Im not sure if Ive totally forgotten or if my mind has just buried it in the deepest corner, but Ive come to realize that trying to suppress the memories hasnt helped me. Its sttill there and i know that in order to heal I need to face it. Ever since I can remember, probably since my earliest memories from when I was 5, my father sexually abused me. He would come into my room at night and put his hand in my underwear and touch me. As I got older, the abuse progressively started getting worse and worse. When I was about 12, he began to rape me. He would find an excuse to make me stay home when my mom would go out and he would come in my room and do disgusting things to me I dont want to remember. I never got to have a normal innocent childhood. He robbed me of my innocence. And I never got to have a normal relationship with my dad, I never got to have a father. I was scared of him. No one in the world has ever scared me as much as he did. Because of him I felt disgusting and unworthy. I never dated anybody when I was younger and i never worse revealing clothing. I was ashamed of my body because I was ashamed of what was happening to me. I felt guilty, like somehow it was my fault for having this body. I couldnt understand why this was happening to me, and to this day I still cant understand how its possible for a father to do this to his own daughter. I have 2 kids now, but I am a single mom. And I struggle to find a partner because I am afraid that he might do the same to my daughter. I pray that I am able to heal from this. To anyone reading this, I would just like to thank you for being a part of this amazing community where i can share my story. In my 23 years I have never been able to tell anyone about this and you cant understand how freeing it is to finally share my story with someone. Its like Im taking a weight off my shoulders that Ive been carrying around my whole life. Thank you and bless you all.
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