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CautiousKitten4644
1 1,115 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 79 Compassion hearts40 Forum posts72 Forum upvotes85 Current upvotes85 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2025 Member sinceSeptember 27, 2020
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I'm scared to leave
Relationship Stress / by CautiousKitten4644
Last post
 April 26th, 2025
...See more My husband and I have been married for over 25 years. We've had some very rough times together. I love him very much but he's very manipulative and possibly even abusive. We've had some terrible fights over the years, and although the fighting has toned down, there is still a lot of tension in the house.  He has threatened to end himself on more than one occasion. The most recent was just a few weeks ago after he got angry at our children (grown but at home) because they told him that he often acts angry. He was going to walk out, and I told him that if he did, not to come back. He then threatened to end himself and the younger child talked him out of it. This isn't the first time this child has been put in that position, and she subsequently moved out that night. She no longer feels safe here. In addition to my younger daughter moving out, this whole incident ended up with my older daughter (who has serious health issues) in the stress unit.  I understand that I was wrong by telling him not to come back, but I am so tired of feeling like he treats us like crap. It's his way or his way. He complains that I change my expectations, but the truth is we never know what to expect from him. We often have to explain a decision (this fight started because younger mentioned that her favorite car has changed and she had no explanation for it), but then when we get used to trying to explain everything, he says it's not necessary. We have been expected to recount conversations with others because he has to know what was said.  Every time I get ready to leave him, he goes back to being nice and acting like he's trying to work things out. We are supposed to go to marriage counseling next week, but I'm concerned that he's going to make me look like I am the problem.  I'm also concerned that he will either end himself or become violent if I leave. In addition, he is disabled and has become so dependent on me that I'm concerned how he will survive if I leave. I handle the finances, most of the shopping, etc. My older daughter and I keep up with the housework.  My younger daughter said she'd come back home if I divorced her dad. I know that would break his heart, but I really don't know what to do. She loves her dad, but can't be around him for any length of time without a fight because of the way we are treated. 
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Help! I can't deal with my husband's anxiety anymore!
Anxiety Support / by CautiousKitten4644
Last post
 November 7th, 2020
...See more My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. He's always been a little bit of a worrywart but it has gotten completely out of hand now. He worries about all kinds of things. He's worried about our children's weight. (BTW - this has been going on for years!) He's worried about the car breaking down when I drive it, and he's worried about money so he won't do maintenance on it. We've had family members that have been accused of sexual misconduct, so now he is worried about being falsely accused of the same, and that evidence will be planted to frame him for something. Every time we come home, he drives around the block so he can make sure nobody has been in the house. We are getting ready to move, and we found mildew or mold in the basement. (We treated it right after we found it.) The house had to have an occupancy inspection, and it passed inspection. Nevertheless, he was concerned that the house is going to rot and come down while we are in it. He made such a big deal of it that I tried to figure out how to buy ourselves out of the lease just to shut him up. This was Monday and he had been going on about the situation for 4 days at that point. It was making me sick to my stomach because of the big deal he was making out of it. He only stopped after talking with his dad, who worked in residential construction and reassured him that there were certain indicators he needed to be concerned about that were not present. Yesterday, he asked if I would be working Saturday because he needs help with preparing to move. Although we are scheduled to work overtime (I work in a factory), I talked to my lead and told her I would not be coming in. She has no problem with that. She knows that a lot of people are going to call in anyway because we work second shift and it's Halloween. When I told my husband the situation, he said that he was "not comfortable" with me taking off. Long story short, he's afraid I will get fired, even though I have a good attendance record and am well-liked at work. (I know that the term "not comfortable" is a long way from being afraid, but you would have to know the whole conversation to see that he meant that he was afraid.) I'm not even going to go into how he reacts to politics. When he is upset or depressed, he gets in a mood that affects the entire house. I am a completely different person when he is around. I am happy and in a good mood when I am at work, whereas when I am home, I am generally stressed. Our younger daughter (age 18) has anxiety, and I think it is in part because of the environment she has grown up with. Short of dragging him to a counselor, therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, which will make things worse because it will add even more tension, I don't know what to do. I've tried reasoning with him, I've tried ignoring the problems, I 've tried acknowledging his feelings and moving on, etc. I really feel like there is nothing I can do at this point. He thinks this is okay, and anyone sane would see it the same way. He's had a bad experience with therapists before, so he's not going to talk to anyone about these issues. He's not going to take medication for it. The only positive light is that right now we are going to informal family counseling sessions to help my younger daughter. We are meeting with someone from our church that has a degree in psychology. However, I have a hard enough time talking to others, and I am certain that if I bring it up, he will be upset with me. If you got this far, thank you for reading this.
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Quick intro
Depression Support / by CautiousKitten4644
Last post
 October 20th, 2020
...See more My name is Bri (bree). I'm in my late 40's and mom to two grown children. My husband is disabled. I lost my parents when I was less than 2 years old. My mom's parents raised me, but there were people in my family that didn't want me because of being biracial. I was bullied from the time I was in first grade through the beginning of high school. Things started to turn bad at home when I was in junior high. I constantly got in trouble for things for no apparent reason. For example: I'd ask for permission to do something and get in trouble for it later. There were at least 3 times my freshman year that my grandmother would not speak to me for a week, and the only thing that she would tell me was that I knew what it was that made her mad, which wasn't true. I had no clue why she was angry. My first marriage was abusive and ended in divorce. My current marriage has had several significant challenges that we have had to work through, and are still working on. I have struggled with self-esteem issues since at least junior high - maybe longer. The past couple of days I have been feeling down, and I think the trigger was because of an incident between me and my husband a couple of days ago. At home, I rarely smile, and I am rarely happy. It's not as bad at work, but I feel like I can be more "me" at work, but not at home. I don't know if that makes sense or not. My husband has issues as well, and it's like if he's not in a good mood, I can't be in a good mood either.
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