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Cervo72
14,773 M Progress Road 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts188 Forum posts20 Forum upvotes21 Current upvotes21 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceOctober 6, 2018
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Feeling guilty and disgusted
Trauma Support / by Cervo72
Last post
 September 7th, 2019
...See more My brother used to treat me like a toy. I just feel very overwhelmed by everything recently haunted by nightmares of what he was doing. It started with him touching me and licking me when we were watching TV when I protested he would say something like don't be bad, you don't want to make me feel sad. Later he was talking me into touching and licking him. I hate to be touched. I was so scared that he might hurt me so I obeyed I had his d*** in my mouth so many times, I feel worthless I should have been fighting more I guess even though I did not really understand. I just wanted to avoid pain, by causing myself much greater pain over time. Every time he would leave me shivering after satisfying his needs I just wanted to wash but I could not wash the feeling of disgust. I am haunted by nightmares that are memories, I am afraid of sleeping because I don't want to be reminded of the terror, the terrible taste and sore throat. However I find talking to people here on 7cups very helpful and it is great that this site exist. But right now I just feel miserable and overwhelmed by everything on my life and I wanted to write out some of my feelings, I often wander what did he thought and if I brought this on myself..
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