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ChubbyEagle
1,884 M Hopeful Heart 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts39 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2022 Member sinceApril 19, 2020
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Need Advice on Loneliness Please
Depression Support / by ChubbyEagle
Last post
 June 11th, 2020
...See more I've lived alone for about 8 years. I'm in my late-20s and in July I had a nervous breakdown where I was really reexamining my life. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for a while, but despite having a lot of friends and living in a pretty active city, Austin, I just feel lonely. I have been seeing a therapist. Anyway, when I had that breakdown, I realized I didn't really know my parents very well. I had become distant from them and I really wanted to try and connect to them and have them be a part of my life before they're gone. I went back home for COVID because I was scared of what would happen if I was alone here in my apartment with my two cats. I get very depressed and sad when I'm just alone and not distracting myself with games or TV or whatever. I enjoyed the time I was with my family, but I thought that it would be nice to get some space from them for just a week and then I would go back. I came back too because in part, I feel embarassed and ashamed that I was enjoying the time with my family for the past two months. Part of my breakdown was struggling with these intrusive thoughts that when my parents die - they are both pretty old - that I would be alone forever and I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I feel like it was a mistake because I didn't really have to come back to Austin and being alone in my complex where there is practically nobdy almost seems like a sort've tortue. I do have zoom and discord and stuff like texting to stay in touch with my friends and family, but these feelings of sadness and lonliness really worry me and dont go away when im connecting virtually. If I'm having them after just being back in my place for two days, I'm afraid of what will happen when COVID finally passes. I'm scared to that im becoming co-dependent on having my parents around to make me feel comfortable. I feel confused because in my heart I want to be with them and I feel better just having them around during everything that's going on. But on the other hand, I feel like as a 20 something male, I have to try and get through these feelings of sadness and just tough it out and be alone, because when my parents die in the future I'm going to be alone anyway. Please help or give me any advice. I'm feeling really shaken up and confused right now
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Seeking Advice on Dealing With Intense Feelings That Come With Depression or Art
Depression Support / by ChubbyEagle
Last post
 April 21st, 2020
...See more For some context, I've started to really buckle down and deal with my depression in the last four months. I see a therapist weekly and am taking medication - 200mg of Wellbutrin - and Seroquel for sleep. I have Major Depressive Disorder, which I've been dealing with on and off again since I was 18 (I'm 27 now). But... I could use some advice. I have a solid full-time job. I workout almost every day. And I'm not abusing substances or anything. I have a good life and a support system I'm working on building. I feel like I'm making progress, even if it is slow. Regardless, on my worst days, I'll wake up and feel as if all the color and vigor has been sucked out of the world. On the "best" (maybe I should say lightest) days of dealing with my depression, I feel very melancholy, but I can't cry. I'm a sensitive person, and sometimes it feels as if these sad feelings will overwhelm me. They make me extremely uncomfortable and it can be really distressing when my day starts off in a low mood. It almost makes me feel like I'm choking inside.... if that even makes sense. Sometimes stuff will trigger these feelings. For example, I was rewatching an old show I loved as a kid -- Inuyasha. It's pretty pulpy and goofy at this age, but I was having fun with it. However, when the ending credits ran, a song played that made me extremely nostalgic and depressed, so much so that it ruined my mood for the rest of the day. I tried to go for a walk, but it didn't really help that much. I'm also with my parents right now because of the whole COVID-19 thing, and I felt too embarrassed to tell my parents that an anime has brought up a lot of difficult feelings for me to handle. The thing is - it was just a song - I feel as if I shouldn't be so affected by media and art like this. Yes, art can create these feelings, but I guess I'm really struggling with how to process negative emotions like sadness, etc when they come up. I don't want to give up stuff that I love and I do enjoy experiencing a wide variety of art, regardless of the tone. I guess I feel like something is wrong with me. Here's the song, by the way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv2JI_jyVPk I guess what I'm asking is If any of you have felt like this when dealing with depressive feelings that feel like a lot, what do you do to find relief or process them? Have any works of art, whether be a song or show or a novel, made you feel a wave of depression or melancholy that's too much to handle? If they have, how do you work through this? Thank so much for reading or for any advice. Anything helps!
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