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CozyCardigan
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2019 Member sinceJanuary 22, 2019
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/TW/ Am I In The Right Place? New Poster
Trauma Support / by CozyCardigan
Last post
 January 23rd, 2019
...See more I only just joined after an event from my past suddenly creeped up and has kind of left me numb the past week or so. (if this story is TMI im really sorry) There have been four of these instances im unsure how to define but one in particular stands out. A casual partner I had at 19 (who was elusive about their sex history) removed a condom in the act when I told him I wouldnt agree to be with him without it. I had to get emergency tested, I since suffer frequent infections (no STIs) and dyspareunia. The latter issue came up recently with a new casual partner, and once they addressed this event as trauma, I had burst into tears. I had only told one ex before about this event (who left me bc of my sexual dysfunction). I feel dissonance now because its only just sunk in how much this partner when i was 19 has been a detriment with my intimacy— but I didnt consider it as trauma, just a thoughtless idea that scared me a lot. Despite the past few days leaving me feeling helpless, embarrassed, and angry with myself and the world, I still dont know if I can legitimately consider this as assault/trauma. I dont know if I should feel invalid as no altercation occurred— just a frozen state. Any advice appreciated. Thank you for listening.
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