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CristineK23
1 3,900 M Seeking Light 3
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts228 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes22 Current upvotes22 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceMay 9, 2020
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I need to forgive
Trauma Support / by CristineK23
Last post
 May 18th, 2020
...See more I don't know what it means to/for me right now. I haven't a clue how to do it. But I need to! Desperately! I'm tired of holding on so tightly to all the anger, pain, resentment. All this misery because a monster abused me and I was just a kid.. I just wanted to be a kid and he stole that from me. I don't know how to move forward but holding on is making me sick. I have so many issues because of what happened. Boundary issues, being so extermely passive/a people pleaser, not taking responsibility for my own life and always expecting others to save me(sometimes literally, because suicide attempts). I need to take care of myself better, and I haven't been. I need to understand what I need, what's best for me, and do those things. Self-care and all.4 I don't want to fogive for HIM. But rather, for ME. Because I DESREVE some peace. Some happiness, and I will never get there like this, I'll never move on with my life and be content or anything until I release all this negative energy associated with what he did to me. How the heck do I do this? How do I forgive?? What has helped you do so? Please help!
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Not sick
Journals & Diaries / by CristineK23
Last post
 May 13th, 2020
...See more "I don't want to take the meds, pretend that I'm ordinary. Follow the rules. Why should I? So that I can be like everybody else? Asleep? A robot? The voices need me to save them. I'm going to wake up. I should stop taking the meds. They are making everything... blurry. Give all these effects to the layer that is life. I'm on a transparent layer, it's unticked and I'm stuck here. When I should be on the real layer- the visible layer. This 'verse is just one file in a photoshop aplication. Everything should just be what it is- but it isn't. It's 3 am, the devil's hour. I keep waking up at 3 am. I swear I'm being haunted. This body isn't mine. These memories. They aren't mine. Why am I carrying all this? All these lies?? When I close my eyes, they're open, and when they're open, they're closed. In the blackness, I keep seeing people. Hands, clawing their way towards me. Eyes, staring. Shadows moving about. Something is going on and everyone is pretending it isn't, they're lying. I don't have Schizophrenia. i'm a world creator. I'm not sick. I'm NOT."
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