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Davidm32190
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2019 Member sinceJanuary 19, 2019
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Relationship Stress / by Davidm32190
Last post
 January 22nd, 2019
...See more Alright guys bare with me its a long story. So me and my gf were together 9 years we almost made it to 10 but that isnt the case. So for about 8 of those years I had a tendency to be verbally abusive when we would get in arguments. So in April of 2018 she broke up with me for the first time and told me she is done and I deserved it because of the person I had become. So then a month went by and I was able to learn more about myself and how to be a better person. She ended up wanting to try with me again. This only lasted a month and I did everything I possibly could for the women. She said she felt pressured to feel something she wasnt feeling and didnt want to just play house. So at this point Im just completely done. So I start moving on and we have a son together and I started taking him with me every other day and not even a week later she invites me over for dinner and says she wants to give it another shot. So we got back together at the beginning of June and we lasted 7 months all the way until 2 weeks into December. Now during this 7 months this is what I did. I made sure to tell her how beautiful she was each and everyday. Told her what an amazing mother she was and how great she is at her job. I basically tried to build her up in anyway possible. I cleaned our house all the time I made her coffee and got her lunch for work. I got our son ready every morning so she could get extra sleep. Sent goodnight texts and when I got home in the morning I had breakfast for her and kissed her good morning and tried to start her morning good all the time. Now about 4 months in she tells me shes not feeling how she used to but she wants to keep trying and at this point Im not getting it.Im literally doing everything this woman has wanted from me. I learned about her depression and her anxiety so I could understand how to care for her better. I gave her more verbal compliments because she told me she likes to hear the words. So we end up going another 3 months and 2 weeks before Christmas she tells me she doesnt want to be with me and Im just shocked. She says its her and not me and she doesnt know what makes her happy anymore and she doesnt know who she is if she isnt my gf or a mom to my son. That didnt make sense so a few days later I ended up finding out she cheated on me. The worst part is on Christmas I felt so bad that she was alone so I came by and just tried to talk to her and tell her Im here for her and still care about her. Before I left that night she asked me for a hug. The next day is when I found out about the cheating. She was talking to someone on Xbox and sending and getting pics. Now for the last few months her video game addiction had gotten worse and when I would say lets hang out she would think Im controlling her. She would also be on an app called mixer which is a place where you watch people play video games and then that was something that started taking all of her time. So when I brought the cheating to her attention she said that if she could do that to me she knew she couldnt be with me anymore. She said she was sorry and wish she had never did that to me. Me being the lover and idiot that I am I told her I can forgive her and we can get past this. So I gave her a few days and she reached out to me and looked me in my eyes and told me she wanted me and wanted this relationship. So we ended up getting back together but it only last 5 days and she broke up with me on January 4th. This time she tells me it was so unbearable and her anxiety was super high because I would question her obviously because I was just cheated on and trying to get over it. she told me she could do this. She told me I was her forever and that we would get married. She was so loving in just those 5 days that I hadnt seen in a really long time. Over the 5 days I would ask her how she is feeling and she would tell me she is happy in the moments when I wasnt questioning her. There would be times where I would get in my own head and she told me if I do to tell her because she wants to know. But when we broke up she tries to tell me she couldnt talk about feelings everyday even though she told me to tell her. The thing is after this final breakup she blocked me on FB and didnt want to answer any of my questions about the relationship like Im the one who cheated or lied to her and did something wrong. So last Friday I had went into the discord group we were a part of which is where the person she cheated on me was in and theres like 600 people in it and I posted a pic of her without makeup and not being zoomed in and told the community that she is dishonest and not loyal. I get I probably could have handled that better but she purposely cheated on me. She told me it was a mistake and shes sorry yet when we broke up for the final time she went right back to talking to that same dude saying that if were not together she wants to be friends with him. Then Monday of this week came and I tried to put all of this BS behind me and suck it up and reach out and be her friend like she wanted to start as. So I go over and she just goes off on me telling me I showed my true colors by posting that pic and how she lost a few of the friends she had because of it. Not realizing this would have never of happened if it wasnt for her actions. I didnt tell her she showed her true colors when she cheated on me. I tried to find out for the final time what had happened over these 7 months that made her feel this way. She admits that it was nothing I did over the 7 months we were back together. She said I was more supportive, more loving, my verbal abusive tendencies were gone. Yet she doesnt want to be with me and is making it out to be like Im the bad guy and I was the one doing all of the messed up stuff. She tells me to move on with my life and just forget about her. She told me to respect her space and just let her be. She also said that before we got back for those 7 months that she told me that she needed to find out what made her happy because how can she make anyone else happy if she isnt herself. Shes been pretty hateful to me since and I cant figure out why. She did all of this damage in the matter of 7 months and yet I truly forgave her. I reached out to her again and just got put down. I know she has to be going through something with the way shes acting. So I havent talked to her at all in less it pertains to our son. The thing is I still want this woman after all of the stuff thats happened I truly have forgiven her and I told her that I want to be part of helping her find her happiness and to accomplish her goals. Thats what I told her when we got back together for the 7 months and she just couldnt see what was going on around her. She acknowledged I was so much better but couldnt accept me for who I was now. I wasnt that negative person I was before. Im just really confused on what happened this time and idk if shes just giving me I need to find my happiness as an excuse to why she doesnt want to be with me idk Im just lost. I did everything I could for this woman to help her in achieving her goals and what she wanted because thats what I wanted to do and I get done like this. All she can say is she owned her stuff and is sorry. Yet wants to kill me for basically retaliating against her even though I forgave her right away because I dont have hate an negativity in my heart. Shes now trying to make it seem like its my fault because I did that. If she was really sorry she would understand why I did what I did. She just continues to blame me for everything. I even owned up to posting the pic and apologized in the same day and told her I could have handled that better so I own my stuff when Im wrong as well.She says she owns her stuff but then comes right back to blaming me saying its my fault that she had anxiety and depression basically trying to say whatever she could to be hurtful. She would actually always tell me I would be the one to calm her anxiety so I just dont get what shes doing. Since weve been broken up for the last 2 weeks she literally goes to work then plays the video game all day or watches people play video games when shes watching our son. Its like shes just addicted and cant see that because when I told her about it she didnt care. She even told me one time because she would watch people play video games when were hanging out with our son that she waits for our 1 year old son to come up to her before she gives him attention rather than just going and getting it. Im just lost on who this woman has become. What do you guys think is going on?
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