What do I do?
Alright guys bare with me its a long story. So me and my gf were together 9 years we almost made it to 10 but that isnt the case. So for about 8 of those years I had a tendency to be verbally abusive when we would get in arguments. So in April of 2018 she broke up with me for the first time and told me she is done and I deserved it because of the person I had become. So then a month went by and I was able to learn more about myself and how to be a better person. She ended up wanting to try with me again. This only lasted a month and I did everything I possibly could for the women. She said she felt pressured to feel something she wasnt feeling and didnt want to just play house. So at this point Im just completely done. So I start moving on and we have a son together and I started taking him with me every other day and not even a week later she invites me over for dinner and says she wants to give it another shot. So we got back together at the beginning of June and we lasted 7 months all the way until 2 weeks into December. Now during this 7 months this is what I did. I made sure to tell her how beautiful she was each and everyday. Told her what an amazing mother she was and how great she is at her job. I basically tried to build her up in anyway possible. I cleaned our house all the time I made her coffee and got her lunch for work. I got our son ready every morning so she could get extra sleep. Sent goodnight texts and when I got home in the morning I had breakfast for her and kissed her good morning and tried to start her morning good all the time.
Now about 4 months in she tells me shes not feeling how she used to but she wants to keep trying and at this point Im not getting it.Im literally doing everything this woman has wanted from me. I learned about her depression and her anxiety so I could understand how to care for her better. I gave her more verbal compliments because she told me she likes to hear the words. So we end up going another 3 months and 2 weeks before Christmas she tells me she doesnt want to be with me and Im just shocked. She says its her and not me and she doesnt know what makes her happy anymore and she doesnt know who she is if she isnt my gf or a mom to my son. That didnt make sense so a few days later I ended up finding out she cheated on me. The worst part is on Christmas I felt so bad that she was alone so I came by and just tried to talk to her and tell her Im here for her and still care about her. Before I left that night she asked me for a hug. The next day is when I found out about the cheating. She was talking to someone on Xbox and sending and getting pics. Now for the last few months her video game addiction had gotten worse and when I would say lets hang out she would think Im controlling her. She would also be on an app called mixer which is a place where you watch people play video games and then that was something that started taking all of her time.
So when I brought the cheating to her attention she said that if she could do that to me she knew she couldnt be with me anymore. She said she was sorry and wish she had never did that to me. Me being the lover and idiot that I am I told her I can forgive her and we can get past this. So I gave her a few days and she reached out to me and looked me in my eyes and told me she wanted me and wanted this relationship. So we ended up getting back together but it only last 5 days and she broke up with me on January 4th. This time she tells me it was so unbearable and her anxiety was super high because I would question her obviously because I was just cheated on and trying to get over it. she told me she could do this. She told me I was her forever and that we would get married. She was so loving in just those 5 days that I hadnt seen in a really long time. Over the 5 days I would ask her how she is feeling and she would tell me she is happy in the moments when I wasnt questioning her. There would be times where I would get in my own head and she told me if I do to tell her because she wants to know. But when we broke up she tries to tell me she couldnt talk about feelings everyday even though she told me to tell her. The thing is after this final breakup she blocked me on FB and didnt want to answer any of my questions about the relationship like Im the one who cheated or lied to her and did something wrong. So last Friday I had went into the discord group we were a part of which is where the person she cheated on me was in and theres like 600 people in it and I posted a pic of her without makeup and not being zoomed in and told the community that she is dishonest and not loyal. I get I probably could have handled that better but she purposely cheated on me. She told me it was a mistake and shes sorry yet when we broke up for the final time she went right back to talking to that same dude saying that if were not together she wants to be friends with him.
Then Monday of this week came and I tried to put all of this BS behind me and suck it up and reach out and be her friend like she wanted to start as. So I go over and she just goes off on me telling me I showed my true colors by posting that pic and how she lost a few of the friends she had because of it. Not realizing this would have never of happened if it wasnt for her actions. I didnt tell her she showed her true colors when she cheated on me. I tried to find out for the final time what had happened over these 7 months that made her feel this way. She admits that it was nothing I did over the 7 months we were back together. She said I was more supportive, more loving, my verbal abusive tendencies were gone. Yet she doesnt want to be with me and is making it out to be like Im the bad guy and I was the one doing all of the messed up stuff. She tells me to move on with my life and just forget about her. She told me to respect her space and just let her be. She also said that before we got back for those 7 months that she told me that she needed to find out what made her happy because how can she make anyone else happy if she isnt herself.
Shes been pretty hateful to me since and I cant figure out why. She did all of this damage in the matter of 7 months and yet I truly forgave her. I reached out to her again and just got put down. I know she has to be going through something with the way shes acting. So I havent talked to her at all in less it pertains to our son. The thing is I still want this woman after all of the stuff thats happened I truly have forgiven her and I told her that I want to be part of helping her find her happiness and to accomplish her goals. Thats what I told her when we got back together for the 7 months and she just couldnt see what was going on around her. She acknowledged I was so much better but couldnt accept me for who I was now. I wasnt that negative person I was before. Im just really confused on what happened this time and idk if shes just giving me I need to find my happiness as an excuse to why she doesnt want to be with me idk Im just lost. I did everything I could for this woman to help her in achieving her goals and what she wanted because thats what I wanted to do and I get done like this.
All she can say is she owned her stuff and is sorry. Yet wants to kill me for basically retaliating against her even though I forgave her right away because I dont have hate an negativity in my heart. Shes now trying to make it seem like its my fault because I did that. If she was really sorry she would understand why I did what I did. She just continues to blame me for everything. I even owned up to posting the pic and apologized in the same day and told her I could have handled that better so I own my stuff when Im wrong as well.She says she owns her stuff but then comes right back to blaming me saying its my fault that she had anxiety and depression basically trying to say whatever she could to be hurtful. She would actually always tell me I would be the one to calm her anxiety so I just dont get what shes doing. Since weve been broken up for the last 2 weeks she literally goes to work then plays the video game all day or watches people play video games when shes watching our son. Its like shes just addicted and cant see that because when I told her about it she didnt care. She even told me one time because she would watch people play video games when were hanging out with our son that she waits for our 1 year old son to come up to her before she gives him attention rather than just going and getting it. Im just lost on who this woman has become. What do you guys think is going on?
@Davidm32190
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
Alright guys bare with me its a long story. So me and my gf were together 9 years we almost made it to 10 but that isnt the case. So for about 8 of those years I had a tendency to be verbally abusive when we would get in arguments. (This is protest, abusive behavior and its not okay to do these things. You are also being verbally abusive to manipulate her into doing what you want her to do) So in April of 2018 she broke up with me for the first time and told me she is done and I deserved it because of the person I had become. So then a month went by and I was able to learn more about myself and how to be a better person. She ended up wanting to try with me again. This only lasted a month and I did everything I possibly could for the women. She said she felt pressured to feel something she wasnt feeling and didnt want to just play house. (I could be wrong here, but this tells me you tried very hard to earn her back, which made her feel pressured into either giving the same back or to feel something) So at this point Im just completely done. So I start moving on and we have a son together and I started taking him with me every other day and not even a week later she invites me over for dinner and says she wants to give it another shot. (She seems to be behaving hot and cold at this moment, which means you could possibly be smothering her when she reaches out which makes her back away) So we got back together at the beginning of June and we lasted 7 months all the way until 2 weeks into December. Now during this 7 months this is what I did. I made sure to tell her how beautiful she was each and everyday. Told her what an amazing mother she was and how great she is at her job. I basically tried to build her up in anyway possible. I cleaned our house all the time I made her coffee and got her lunch for work. I got our son ready every morning so she could get extra sleep. Sent goodnight texts and when I got home in the morning I had breakfast for her and kissed her good morning and tried to start her morning good all the time. (All of this sounds sweet and lovely, these are things you should do for her but in a very minimal amount and when she is investing in you. I can you were investing too much in her on an attempt to win her back, which probably made her not value your effort and then she could possibly end up investing far less on you. You should treat relationships like investments, would you invest so much in a business deal when your other business partners are putting so little investment? I dont see anything in those sentences that made her earn the investment you put on her)
Now about 4 months in she tells me shes not feeling how she used to (This is because you invested on her so much and put her as a priority when she was not treating you like this. This will cause her to feel strange and then it will slowly kill her feelings for you) but she wants to keep trying and at this point Im not getting it.Im literally doing everything this woman has wanted from me. (She may tell you "I want a man who dines me, send me goodmorning texts everyday, and buy me flowers everyday" but in reality is not what she is attracted to. What she will be attracted to is your behavior and confidence, although doing sweet things here and there will help her stay connected to you. You are doing everything on order to earn her love, not as genuine gesture) I learned about her depression and her anxiety so I could understand how to care for her better. (No...you are doing all of this to not lose her...) I gave her more verbal compliments because she told me she likes to hear the words. (Im sure she does, but not everyday. Doing this everyday will make her feel smothered and then she will be like "im unsure of how i feel". Pay careful attention, is she doing the same for you? is she investing the same as you? if not then thats where you have to invest far less to equal the same ammount she is putting in, if not she will not value you) So we end up going another 3 months and 2 weeks before Christmas she tells me she doesnt want to be with me and Im just shocked. She says its her and not me (This is the typical line women give you to not hurt your feelings. I think you came on strong, often seek validation from her, over-investing to not lose her which made her lose attraction for you at this point) and she doesnt know what makes her happy anymore and she doesnt know who she is if she isnt my gf or a mom to my son. (This is a bs answer she is giving you, the truth is she felt smothered)That didnt make sense so a few days later I ended up finding out she cheated on me. The worst part is on Christmas I felt so bad that she was alone so I came by and just tried to talk to her and tell her Im here for her and still care about her. (Your anxiety and fear of loss lead you to do this, it was just a way to talk with her and spend time with her. This kind of behavior will turn her off because you are being too nice after how she was so unsure of her feelings. Personally? I would have left her alone because i don't want to spend my time with someone who is unsure of how they feel) Before I left that night she asked me for a hug. The next day is when I found out about the cheating. She was talking to someone on Xbox and sending and getting pics. Now for the last few months her video game addiction had gotten worse (This tells me she uses videos games as a coping mechanism to distract herself from issues) and when I would say lets hang out she would think Im controlling her. She would also be on an app called mixer which is a place where you watch people play video games and then that was something that started taking all of her time.
So when I brought the cheating to her attention she said that if she could do that to me she knew she couldnt be with me anymore. (Oh? that was so nice of her to say after she asked for a hug etc. You see this women comes across as self-absorbed to me) She said she was sorry and wish she had never did that to me. Me being the lover and idiot that I am I told her I can forgive her and we can get past this. (You are behaving unatural and too nice her. You are being manipulative by "forgiving her" because you don't want to lose her. This kind of behavior will make her lose respect for you and then she will lose even more feelings for you) So I gave her a few days and she reached out to me and looked me in my eyes and told me she wanted me and wanted this relationship. (This is just...so she has all the power now. She is choosing when to end the relationship and when to begin the relationship, which may lead to things not lasting a long time) So we ended up getting back together but it only last 5 days and she broke up with me on January 4th. (You two are getting back together each time without solving the issues that lead to the breakup, and you have not make her work hard to earn you back. You are happy to take her back any time which will make her lose respect for you and then she will breakup) This time she tells me it was so unbearable and her anxiety was super high because I would question her obviously because I was just cheated on and trying to get over it. (How did she cheated?) she told me she could do this. She told me I was her forever and that we would get married. (This is how she felt at the moment, but if your behavior doesn't appear confident then her feelings will change) She was so loving in just those 5 days that I hadnt seen in a really long time. Over the 5 days I would ask her how she is feeling (I feel like you are doing this to gain reassurance that things will be okay, so this will turn her off at some point) and she would tell me she is happy in the moments when I wasnt questioning her. There would be times where I would get in my own head and she told me if I do to tell her because she wants to know. (Its not a bad thing to do this here and there, but if you do it everyday then it will definetly turn her off and then she will become unsure again) But when we broke up she tries to tell me she couldnt talk about feelings everyday even though she told me to tell her. (This is what i mean, what she wants you to do is not what actually attracts her so then what she says will contradict what she said previously) The thing is after this final breakup she blocked me on FB and didnt want to answer any of my questions about the relationship (I understand you felt anxious and scared, but blowing up her fb to get answers will definetly cause her to block and not answer your texts) like Im the one who cheated or lied to her and did something wrong. (The thing is, you knew this going forward however you wanted her so bad that you ignored what she did.) So last Friday I had went into the discord group we were a part of which is where the person she cheated on me was in and theres like 600 people in it and I posted a pic of her without makeup and not being zoomed in and told the community that she is dishonest and not loyal. (I wouldn't have done this, you are doing this to hurt her in the same way she hurt you, so now it will definetly make her even more mad and it will be tough to reconcicle with her) I get I probably could have handled that better but she purposely cheated on me.She told me it was a mistake and shes sorry yet when we broke up for the final time she went right back to talking to that same dude saying that if were not together she wants to be friends with him. (unfortunetly theres nothing you can do about this)
Then Monday of this week came and I tried to put all of this BS behind me and suck it up and reach out and be her friend like she wanted to start as. (You are behaving unatural and manipulative here. What you are doing communicate this; "Im going to push down and ignore how i feel. I will not care about what happened, and i will keep forcing myself upon her because at this time i only want her. Im going to be her friend and what she wants me to on order to get her to love me and accept me", this kind of behavior will not cause her attraction to go up) So I go over and she just goes off on me telling me I showed my true colors by posting that pic and how she lost a few of the friends she had because of it. Not realizing this would have never of happened if it wasnt for her actions. (I dont know the full details of the cheating part, but even if she did this it doesn't give you the right to post her picture on discord. You both didn't behave properly here) I didnt tell her she showed her true colors when she cheated on me. I tried to find out for the final time what had happened over these 7 months that made her feel this way. She admits that it was nothing I did over the 7 months we were back together. She said I was more supportive, more loving, my verbal abusive tendencies were gone. (You should be supportive, loving and kind, but not to the point where you are overdoing it specially when she was investing far less in what you two have. Each time you did this it came off as doing it on order to not lose her, so it wasn't genuine behavior.) Yet she doesnt want to be with me and is making it out to be like Im the bad guy and I was the one doing all of the messed up stuff. She tells me to move on with my life and just forget about her. (Its awful to hear this from the woman you love...)She told me to respect her space and just let her be. (It hurts what she is saying, but its so important to back away and wait until she reaches out first, if not then she will lose all feelings for you) She also said that before we got back for those 7 months that she told me that she needed to find out what made her happy because how can she make anyone else happy if she isnt herself. (This is why she should stay away from relationships because if she isn't happy then a relationship wont make her happy)
Shes been pretty hateful to me since and I cant figure out why. (You keep reaching out when she is mistreating you and ended things. She will keep behaving this way to push you away and make things definite. You have to stop the reaching out first before its too late) She did all of this damage in the matter of 7 months and yet I truly forgave her. (The forgiving part was unatural, it came of as "I will keep forgiving you no matter how much you treat me because i dont want to lose you. I will push down how i feel on order to keep you in my life) I reached out to her again and just got put down. (This has to stop...you are not communicating self-respect and confidence each time you reached out after the way she treated you) I know she has to be going through something with the way shes acting. (No, she is just mistreating you because you are allowing it by keep reaching out) So I havent talked to her at all in less it pertains to our son. (Thats the only subject you should talk about her after the way she has been mistreating you) The thing is I still want this woman after all of the stuff thats happened I truly have forgiven her (No you didn't forgive...you pushed it to the back of your mind to not lose her) and I told her that I want to be part of helping her find her happiness and to accomplish her goals. (This comes across as; "I will ignore how she treats me and how she ended things. I will please her in any way possible after the way she treated me since i want to keep her in my life".) Thats what I told her when we got back together for the 7 months and she just couldnt see what was going on around her. She acknowledged I was so much better but couldnt accept me for who I was now. I wasnt that negative person I was before. Im just really confused on what happened this time and idk if shes just giving me I need to find my happiness as an excuse to why she doesnt want to be with me idk Im just lost. (It is an excuse because she felt smothered) I did everything I could for this woman to help her in achieving her goals and what she wanted because thats what I wanted to do and I get done like this. (The truth is, you over-invested in this woman, please her way too much and made her a priority. Now, you should do sweet things and encourage her, but only when she earns them and once in awhile on order to keep your value high. You did so many things for her everyday because you didn't want to lose her, so it comes off as not genuine. This will slowly make her feel unsure and then she will back away. I also think you came on strong because of this need to be needed, connected and as reassurance she won't leave you)
All she can say is she owned her stuff and is sorry. Yet wants to kill me for basically retaliating against her even though I forgave her right away (You didn't forgive her right away, you pushed things to the back of your mind to not lose her. You also did it to please her and to keep her happy. What she did doesn't give you the right to retiliate, what you should have done is not speak to her until she reached out first) because I dont have hate an negativity in my heart. (This is sweet of you to say, but you are doing this to not lose her and please her) Shes now trying to make it seem like its my fault because I did that. (Is both your fault for not behaving properly and not handling it like adults) If she was really sorry she would understand why I did what I did. (No, i understand what she did hurt you, but it doesn't give you the right to post a picture of her like that.) She just continues to blame me for everything. I even owned up to posting the pic and apologized in the same day and told her I could have handled that better so I own my stuff when Im wrong as well.She says she owns her stuff but then comes right back to blaming me saying its my fault that she had anxiety and depression basically trying to say whatever she could to be hurtful. (I understand its hurtful specially when you tried to own up for what happened, but to be honest you both played a role in what happened) She would actually always tell me I would be the one to calm her anxiety so I just dont get what shes doing.(I think she is mistreating you and pushing you away. You know she is mistreating you and you keep reaching out, this will make her treat you even worst) Since weve been broken up for the last 2 weeks she literally goes to work then plays the video game all day or watches people play video games when shes watching our son. Its like shes just addicted and cant see that because when I told her about it she didnt care. She even told me one time because she would watch people play video games when were hanging out with our son that she waits for our 1 year old son to come up to her before she gives him attention rather than just going and getting it. (This tells me her son will eventually feel abandoned, neglected and low self esteem because of her addiction and lack of knowledge when it comes to children) Im just lost on who this woman has become. What do you guys think is going on?
Thanks for the insight. Im now not talking to her at all. A few days ago she asked if I could pickup my son from day care when she works in the same city as my sons daycare. So I asked why cant you pick him up if youre at work and she comes back with dont worry about it basically be rude. So I tell her I wasnt trying to be rude that didnt make sense why she would want me to get him when Im in the opposite city. So then she tells me the answer and its because she didnt go to work. I knew this because we literally live right down the street from each other so I could see her car. So I say if I had the car seat I would go pickup him up and she comes back with you can use my car to go get him. At this point I had already been up to the city 3 times. So I ask her why she cant go and do it. At this point most people would probably just say screw it Ill just do it then but she comes back with Im not mentally and physical feeling good knowing that I have a big heart and care about her. In that situation I could have said your feelings dont matter were not together so suck it up and go get him but I didnt. Then when I brought him home I texted her and said hes home and she asked are you staying and I told her I would just watch him at my grandmas house like I usually do because Im trying to stay away like she asked. Then she tells me just stay with him. Then I reiterate that I can spend time with him at my grandmas. She the responds with okay whatever David. Like shes upset with me for not wanting to hang out with my son there when I havent been the last 2 weeks anyway. She tried to say its because shes trying to get me more time with my son when we already split 50/50 every single day. Idk if this is her way of trying to reach out to me by using our son. Then the next day comes and she texts me about if I have school on MLK day and I ask why. She says because the daycare is closed and I tell her that I have plans because I never get time off I go to school all week and work on the weekend and she knows that. So she comes back with you have plans so you cant care for your child? Again I never get free time and I spent time with my son everyday. So I say you can care for him to youre not going to be disrespectful because thats exactly what she was doing by questioning me as a parent. She comes back with I was being disrespectful but okay. She then says enjoy your life David. I will care for our child like I dont care for him at all or something. I tell her shes making smart remarks that its just nasty and disrespectful and she says I told her I have plans either way so it falls to her and then she says even though I have to work to provide for our son. Again minimalizing that I also work to provide for our son. I then tell her I work and go to school as well and tell her Im not being nasty and disrespectful like her and Im not going to be. I said I do have a life as well and make plans every now and then. Then I said did i call her lazy or talk crap to her when the previous day she didnt want to pick up our son when all she had been doing is laying in bed playing video games. She then comes back with she didnt talk crap at all and that she asked a question clearly denying how disrespectful her responses were. She then says its fine I wont ask you for anything and says thanks! I then respond with by saying I cant care for my child is talking crap and I reiterated that I said nothing disrespectful to her the previous day when she told me she couldnt pick him up even though she was doing nothing. She then responds with just refer to my previous statement thanks! I then say she told me the previous day that she wasnt mentally or physically feeling good knowing Im a good person and would go and get him because I do care about her and I tell her I said nothing negative to her and to just understand how she was talking to me. Rather than admitting to being nasty she says Im done with this conversation thank you. So I respond with I really do hope you find happiness and that she has really become a nasty person to me and I dont get it. I said it really sucks and I hope you find the woman you were because you were amazing. I tell her Im respecting her by giving her her space like she asked and Im moving on with my life like she asked and I tell her Im doing what she wants me to do. She then responds back with I will thank you. So I text her back later telling her please no negativity and that I really did have plans with someone on Monday and it had nothing to do with me not wanting to watch my kid. I told her I canceled my plans so that I can watch him and so that she can be successful and make it to work because I did say I want the same things she wants. I told her Im not going to let the negativity and hate you have toward me effect my character and the person Ive become. I said Im going to still do the right things to be a good man. She then responds with Im not being negative and says thank you for planning to take care of our son not even acknowledging that Im helping her out to. So the last thing I tell her is youve been really mean and hateful towards me and you just dont see it and I dont care because Im still going to be the best I can be when you need me. Then I say about Monday when she told me I showed my true colors for posting the pic when I already acknowledged I made a mistake. I said did she show her true colors when she cheated on me and I say I dont say things like that because I believe her when she tells me she made a mistake and dont believe thats her true colors. Then I bring up the fact that she told me I made her anxiety high and that and her depressed when she would always tell me I would be the one to calm those things. I tell her she is saying this stuff to be hurtful and its ok. She then responds with im not talking to you about these things. If you think thats me being hateful fine as long as we can stop! Thanks! Since that Ive tried to keep my answers extremely short so she doesnt try to get a reaction out of me and if I see something negative come from her again Im just going to start ignoring it. My aunt moved out of her house last night so now she will truly be alone in that house when I have my son and if she truly has depression then that will probably be hard for her. But she plays video games all day so she doesnt have to think about anything or her life. @freshLight64
@Davidm32190
Im now not talking to her at all. A few days ago she asked if I could pickup my son from day care when she works in the same city as my sons daycare. So I asked why cant you pick him up if youre at work and she comes back with dont worry about it basically be rude. (In other words she wanted you to drop what you are doing to pickup your son because she didn't feel like picking him up) So I tell her I wasnt trying to be rude (You said this out of fear and to not make her mad) that didnt make sense why she would want me to get him when Im in the opposite city. So then she tells me the answer and its because she didnt go to work. (In other words "Ehh im too lazy to pick him up, i can't be bothered right now, how about you pick him up?") I knew this because we literally live right down the street from each other so I could see her car. So I say if I had the car seat I would go pickup him up and she comes back with you can use my car to go get him. (At this point she is just trying to get you to do what she wants, and if you go along with this then she will jerk you around) At this point I had already been up to the city 3 times. So I ask her why she cant go and do it. (I would have say, "you know, i can't pick him up now since i got to things to take care") At this point most people would probably just say screw it Ill just do it then but she comes back with Im not mentally and physical feeling good (This is a manipulation she is using you because she couldn't convice you earlier) knowing that I have a big heart and care about her. (This is part of the problem, you care about her too much so she will use this against you and possibly manipulate you into doing what she wants) In that situation I could have said your feelings dont matter were not together so suck it up and go get him but I didnt. (It would have been wise to not say that, but standing your ground against her is so important because right now she feels like she has all the power and that you will do what she wants at any time) Then when I brought him home I texted her and said hes home and she asked are you staying and I told her I would just watch him at my grandmas house like I usually do because Im trying to stay away like she asked. Then she tells me just stay with him. (Notice how she isn't asking you...its coming across as demanding) Then I reiterate that I can spend time with him at my grandmas. (This is what you need to do, you did great here by standing your ground here) She the responds with okay whatever David. (She felt rejected, insecure and anxious which made her say "whatever" as an indirect message to communicate she is annoyed. You didn't do what she wanted so she acted like a child, this has nothing to do with you) Like shes upset with me for not wanting to hang out with my son there when I havent been the last 2 weeks anyway. She tried to say its because shes trying to get me more time with my son when we already split 50/50 every single day. (She is using lies and excuses to get you to take care more of your son while she does whatever she wants and taking less responsability from herself by having you "spend more time" with him) Idk if this is her way of trying to reach out to me by using our son. Then the next day comes and she texts me about if I have school on MLK day and I ask why. (Trying to get you to drop whatever you are doing to tend to her needs, very self-absorbed of her) She says because the daycare is closed and I tell her that I have plans (You are doing great here by stating "hey i have plans".) because I never get time off I go to school all week and work on the weekend and she knows that. So she comes back with you have plans so you cant care for your child? (In other words "I feel upset and annoyed you didn't do what i wanted, so im going to guilt trip you into doing what i want since i don't really care how you feel) Again I never get free time and I spent time with my son everyday. So I say you can care for him to youre not going to be disrespectful because thats exactly what she was doing by questioning me as a parent. (She was just behaving manipulative and using guilt to get you do what she wants) She comes back with I was being disrespectful but okay. (She is projecting how she feels on you and acting like a child) She then says enjoy your life David. I will care for our child like I dont care for him at all or something. (At this point you should have ended the conversation because its impossible to communicate with someone who is being childish, manipulative and only caring about how she feels) I tell her shes making smart remarks that its just nasty and disrespectful and she says I told her I have plans either way so it falls to her and then she says even though I have to work to provide for our son. (She is being dramatic and acting as if she is "the bigger person" while giving lame speeches on order to make you do what she wants. She is trying to make you feel guilty so you will end up saying "okay ill do it") Again minimalizing that I also work to provide for our son I then tell her I work and go to school as well and tell her Im not being nasty and disrespectful like her and Im not going to be. I said I do have a life as well and make plans every now and then. Then I said did i call her lazy or talk crap to her when the previous day she didnt want to pick up our son when all she had been doing is laying in bed playing video games. (This is the reason she is trying to get you do what she wants) She then comes back with she didnt talk crap at all and that she asked a question clearly denying how disrespectful her responses were. (I would say they were manipulative and immature responses, but you shouldn't end up in these kind of arguments because she will make you look like the bad guy here)She then says its fine I wont ask you for anything and says thanks! (In other words "I feel mad, upset, and rejected so im going to tell you "i won't ask for anything and thanks" on order to be the "bigger person". She is trying to make you feel guilty at this point) I then respond with by saying I cant care for my child is talking crap and I reiterated that I said nothing disrespectful to her the previous day when she told me she couldnt pick him up even though she was doing nothing. She then responds with just refer to my previous statement thanks! I then say she told me the previous day that she wasnt mentally or physically feeling good (I dont buy her excuse...) knowing Im a good person and would go and get him because I do care about her and I tell her I said nothing negative to her and to just understand how she was talking to me. (Next time she behaves immature and child then end the conversation right away, because you will not make her see this since she is selfish and then you will end up being even more upset at the end) Rather than admitting to being nasty she says Im done with this conversation thank you. So I respond with I really do hope you find happiness and that she has really become a nasty person to me and I dont get it. (Part of the problem is that you are trying to reason with a woman who behaves like a 10 year old, its just impossible for her to see your point because in her mind she is never the problem) I said it really sucks and I hope you find the woman you were because you were amazing. (No need to say any of this...she wont have respect for you...) I tell her Im respecting her by giving her her space like she asked and Im moving on with my life like she asked and I tell her Im doing what she wants me to do. (There was no need to tell her this, this comes across as "Hey im still available for you, im just letting you im moving on and that im doing what you want". These kind of things will make her behave in a dismissve and disrespectful way. You are being too nice to her, is one of the reason she is treating you this way) She then responds back with I will thank you.(i would have ignore her message at this moment) So I text her back later telling her please no negativity and that I really did have plans with someone on Monday and it had nothing to do with me not wanting to watch my kid. (You are coming across as a pleaser and doing whatever she wants because you felt anxious. The way you sent her this message is going to make her treat you poorly, she was in the wrong and now you are behaving as if you are in the fault?....) I told her I canceled my plans so that I can watch him (This is going to make her lose even more respect for you, and then you are teaching her this; "Hey you can disrespect me, manipulate me, question me as my dad and Ill be so nice to you and drop my plans". This too nice guy and caring has to stop because she will use this against you) and so that she can be successful and make it to work because I did say I want the same things she wants. (In other words "I will push down what i want and my schedule for you, because what you want is far more important than what i want". This will make her treat you with less respect...)I told her Im not going to let the negativity and hate you have toward me effect my character and the person Ive become. (You are trying to convice her of how you are and proving to her something after how she treated you) I said Im going to still do the right things to be a good man. She then responds with Im not being negative and says thank you for planning to take care of our son not even acknowledging that Im helping her out to.(You see? how all of this was drama from her side and seeking to manipulate you into doing what you want? and how you do this to please her and not a genuine act? If this was a genuine act from your part you wouldn't have care if she acknowledged you) So the last thing I tell her is youve been really mean and hateful towards me and you just dont see it and I dont care because Im still going to be the best I can be when you need me. (I hope im not coming across as mean, but this is too nice statement on order to gain her approval and love, theres no need to stay these things to a person like because she will not value it) Then I say about Monday when she told me I showed my true colors for posting the pic when I already acknowledged I made a mistake. I said did she show her true colors when she cheated on me and I say I dont say things like that because I believe her when she tells me she made a mistake and dont believe thats her true colors. (This kind of behavior will make her lose respect for you, this conversation should have ended in "I dont like the way you are treating, so contact me when you will treat me better. Bye" and not on being soo nice and kind to her)Then I bring up the fact that she told me I made her anxiety high (She is making you feel responsible for how she feels, and thats not okay) and that and her depressed when she would always tell me I would be the one to calm those things. I tell her she is saying this stuff to be hurtful and its ok. (In other words "You can treat me however you want, and even be dismissive with me and ill be okay with it". You are basically telling her its okay to treat you poorly...)She then responds with im not talking to you about these things. If you think thats me being hateful fine as long as we can stop! Thanks! (You see, she wanted to end this conversation along time ago but you felt anxious and this need to prove to her you care which lead you to respond with those nice messages) Since that Ive tried to keep my answers extremely short so she doesnt try to get a reaction out of me and if I see something negative come from her again Im just going to start ignoring it. (Thats great, do this from now on because its pointless being in arguments with her) My aunt moved out of her house last night so now she will truly be alone in that house when I have my son and if she truly has depression then that will probably be hard for her. (Thats her problem, not yours) But she plays video games all day so she doesnt have to think about anything or her life
@freshLight64
Thanks for the response. I get Im being to nice I just feel like if I was mean or if I didnt help her out and just ignored her she would feel like I dont want her anymore and have no chance at working anything out with her. Since that last conversation everything has been short quick stuff about my son. Until she decides she wants to try to get me to do something then I wont. Now she really just seems to try to be getting attention in anyway possible. Friends have told me she posts pics in the discord group with tons of makeup on or post pics where she shows herself drinking coffee but of course she has her cleavage in it. Looks like something new she is trying to do get attention from anyone who will give it to her even though I made sure to give her all my time when we were together.
@freshLight64 so today she sends me these texts and I try to be as short as possible and some I dont even respond to. 
@freshLight64
Sorry for the 3rd post I have no idea how to edit them on this forum. The pic I posted didnt even work. Anyway she texted me today telling me he went down for a nap at 11 and she will let me know when hes up I didnt roespond to that. Then shes texts and says are you getting him today? Knowing that I get him everyday so theres no need to text me a second time. So I respond with just yea to keep it short. She then says oh okay just making sure and that he will probably be up soon and that she can hear him moving around and I dont respond to that she then texts again and says hes waking up if I want to get him. I respond and say Ill get him at 2. She then says okay? She then writes another message saying do I just want to set that time everyday and I respond to that and just say no. Then she says Ermkay that she will feed him lunch and by the time Im here he should be done so I dont respond to that message and I get another message 40 mins later because at that point its 2:02 and she says Im a jerk and I figured I would get him ready for when I got there and now hes super upset. I didnt respond to that either and just went to pick up my son and when I got there she basically repeated everything she said in the message its like just leave me alone.
So an update to this. Today I went over to drop my son off for his nap at her house and she actually told me to stay. She then starts by telling me I know her better than anyone else and proceeds to tell me everything that has been going on. She says she is so messed up right now. She doesnt know how to find happiness and this has been so hard for her. She tells me things like she has no one and feels so alone. Tells me she doesnt know how shes going to be able to pay rent at the house now and that it feels like she has no one even though she had me. As were talking I ask her why she is telling me all of this and she says because she thought we could be friends when just last week she didnt want that. So I just listen to everything she is saying and I tell her she does have free time to figure things out because we split my son half the time. She tells me in that time she cooks cleans and plays her video games and tries to stay busy. She then tells me one of her friends told her today that she needs to disconnect. No playing video games and streaming and actually think about your emotions instead of trying to supress them which is why she is having this massive breakdown with me. So I get to a point where I tell her that I cant be friends and that Im trying to move on. She is already bawling at this point and says she understands and is sorry for putting her emotions on me. It sucks to see her like this but at the same time I need to move on and be strong. I want to be with her not be friends. She says things like she is barely getting any sleep and telling me how hard everything is now. I reiterate that I cant be friends and that I am moving on and that I want to try dating other woman and building and empire with them. When I said that she went to the bathroom and threw up because of all the pain she is feeling. Then she comes back out and tells me she needs to lay down because she isnt feeling good at all and thanks me for trying to hear her out. It sucks shes going through this but what should I do? She doesnt really have anyone here but at the same time she wanted to end this.
@Davidm32190
she texted me today telling me he went down for a nap at 11 and she will let me know when hes up I didnt roespond to that. Then shes texts and says are you getting him today? Knowing that I get him everyday so theres no need to text me a second time. (This kind of sounds like she is getting anxious since your interest on her shows is low and you changed your behavior, so she is starting to go after you) So I respond with just yea to keep it short. She then says oh okay just making sure and that he will probably be up soon and that she can hear him moving around and I dont respond to that she then texts again and says hes waking up if I want to get him. (It almost feels like she is trying very hard to keep the conversation going because your behavior seems different. I think you are doing a good job with your responses, because of how she treated you) I respond and say Ill get him at 2. She then says okay? (She is starting to sound frustrated here) She then writes another message saying do I just want to set that time everyday and I respond to that and just say no. (Your responses made me laugh a little lol because of the impact is having on her. You were so nice and at her feet, and now you are showing low interest in her which you see is making her work harder) Then she says Ermkay that she will feed him lunch and by the time Im here he should be done so I dont respond to that message and I get another message 40 mins later because at that point its 2:02 and she says Im a jerk (Don't respond when she sends you these messages, she is being childish here) and I figured I would get him ready for when I got there and now hes super upset. I didnt respond to that either (You did great, and its showing you are excercising good emotional self control) and just went to pick up my son and when I got there she basically repeated everything she said in the message its like just leave me alone. (If she would have call you a jerk in person I would have say "Look im not going to talk to you when you are behaving this way, when you calm down and willing to talk to me in a kind, calm way then we will talk. I got to". She will either talk to you in a mature and calm way or you will leave)
Today I went over to drop my son off for his nap at her house and she actually told me to stay. (This is not a surprise after the way she has been working hard to get your attention) She then starts by telling me I know her better than anyone else (This is her way to make you feel good about yourself, and for her to slowly say what she wants to say) and proceeds to tell me everything that has been going on. (How selfish of her...)She says she is so messed up right now. She doesnt know how to find happiness and this has been so hard for her. (People like her would usually be attracted to people who are pleaser because they will give her everything while ignoring their own needs, so even this will not make her happy and then she will want more from you to fill her unmet needs.) She tells me things like she has no one and feels so alone. (Its really sad what she is going through, but she pushed you away) Tells me she doesnt know how shes going to be able to pay rent at the house now and that it feels like she has no one even though she had me. As were talking I ask her why she is telling me all of this and she says because she thought we could be friends when just last week she didnt want that. (Quite frankly? she is behaving self-absorbed here...she didn't want you as a friend last week, but she feels so alone that now she wants you as a friend...This is the kind of person who will often care about how they feel than thinking how their actions will impact you...)So I just listen to everything she is saying and I tell her she does have free time to figure things out because we split my son half the time. (This was a good response, you were nice enough to listen to her, however you showed here you were not going to be her emotional support after how she treated you) She tells me in that time she cooks cleans and plays her video games and tries to stay busy. (In other words, she is ignoring reality and her issues so this is going to affect her even more) She then tells me one of her friends told her today that she needs to disconnect. No playing video games and streaming and actually think about your emotions instead of trying to supress them which is why she is having this massive breakdown with me. (What the friend said was true, however she was really looking forward for this friend to listen to what she is going through, but instead he/she told her what to do) So I get to a point where I tell her that I cant be friends and that Im trying to move on. (Great response here, you stated what you want and what you are not going to settle.)She is already bawling at this point and says she understands and is sorry for putting her emotions on me. It sucks to see her like this but at the same time I need to move on and be strong. (Its awful seeing her like that specially when she is going through tough things, but what you want and need is also important)I want to be with her not be friends. (Either something Romantic/Sexual/Passionate or simply nothing. What you told her communicates confidence) She says things like she is barely getting any sleep and telling me how hard everything is now. I reiterate that I cant be friends and that I am moving on and that I want to try dating other woman and building and empire with them. (Great response, Im very proud of you for staying firm and confident in what you wanted. You gave her everything and she didn't appreciate it, so now either she gives you what you want or you will simply find someone better) When I said that she went to the bathroom and threw up because of all the pain she is feeling. (She just couldn't believe the things you told her) Then she comes back out and tells me she needs to lay down because she isnt feeling good at all and thanks me for trying to hear her out. It sucks shes going through this but what should I do? (Nothing, you could ask her out if she reaches out first then lead it to romance, but you got to really think if she is what you want) She doesnt really have anyone here but at the same time she wanted to end this. (Thats what she has chosen, to be alone...I know you care about her, but you shouldn't be her emotional support. Either is Romance or simply nothing)
@freshLight64
I ended up taking my son back over with me because she said she really couldn
