Deadyetalive Member Profile

...See more Hey. So I am 17, and I have been struggling for a lot of my life. I can't tell any details, but I can write about how I feel. I have been Depressed for almost 1.5 years and have had issues with bullying, trauma, and family issues even before that. I carry such deep self-hatred that I don't even like to hear my name or see my face... I blame everything on myself. These past few months, it has become rather severe, and I have been diagnosed with severe depression. Therapy hasn't been going well because I don't really tell the full truth about some things in my past; I downplay my suicidality too. I find it extremely hard to focus and avoid studying often. I spend my days in isolation, only going out sometimes for soccer. I don't go to school either; I am open-schooling. My midterms are starting soon. I have failed almost all of my exams since my mental health started deteriorating. I don't really find joy in anything these days, and my way of thinking is also extremely distorted. I find it hard to come up with a reason to, you know... keep going. And I spend most of my time in my head or just numbing it using video games or YouTube and stuff like that. I don't want to fail again because it will have consequences this time, but I just can't get myself to study. I don't remember the last time I felt happy.

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