Severely Depressed Yet expected to Function.
Hey. So I am 17, and I have been struggling for a lot of my life. I can't tell any details, but I can write about how I feel.
I have been Depressed for almost 1.5 years and have had issues with bullying, trauma, and family issues even before that.
I carry such deep self-hatred that I don't even like to hear my name or see my face... I blame everything on myself.
These past few months, it has become rather severe, and I have been diagnosed with severe depression. Therapy hasn't been going well because I don't really tell the full truth about some things in my past; I downplay my suicidality too.
I find it extremely hard to focus and avoid studying often. I spend my days in isolation, only going out sometimes for soccer. I don't go to school either; I am open-schooling.
My midterms are starting soon. I have failed almost all of my exams since my mental health started deteriorating. I don't really find joy in anything these days, and my way of thinking is also extremely distorted.
I find it hard to come up with a reason to, you know... keep going. And I spend most of my time in my head or just numbing it using video games or YouTube and stuff like that.
I don't want to fail again because it will have consequences this time, but I just can't get myself to study.
I don't remember the last time I felt happy.
@Deadyetalive
I really sense the pain you've demonstrated in this post..
I'm sorry this life your living has come to this.........
I hope you find a way to refocus and find something, anything to get you back to a positive lifestyle... 🌲
@AsherTree
Thank you for caring.
@Deadyetalive
Unlike your name i believe there is something more for you out there...🌲🌲
I'm sorry you're going through this. Time doesn't make ir better but you get used to it. I really hope by the time you have 18, you can have more freedom to find your own path. You don't need to study right away. You can explore new things, travel, maybe find a part-time job that you would be interested in. You can take your time to define your life, you are still young. Try to think about your interests, if don't have any, try to explore them. It could be sports, art, business, social media 🌸 I know I can't help you directly. I'm just telling you what I would have wanted to do. I wasted a Lot of time feeling depressed to explore my interests, now I'm trying to start again and follow my interests while dealing with life itself. I hope this helps you ^-^
I'm sorry you're going through this. Time doesn't make ir better but you get used to it. I really hope by the time you have 18, you can have more freedom to find your own path. You don't need to study right away. You can explore new things, travel, maybe find a part-time job that you would be interested in. You can take your time to define your life, you are still young. Try to think about your interests, if don't have any, try to explore them. It could be sports, art, business, social media 🌸 I know I can't help you directly. I'm just telling you what I would have wanted to do. I wasted a Lot of time feeling depressed to explore my interests, now I'm trying to start again and follow my interests while dealing with life itself. I hope this helps you ^-^