Deniz315 Member Profile

...See more I'm 22 ans he's 25 soon to be 26. My partner and I have been together for 3 years he recently moved to a bigger city for school. Oct 20th he picked me up from our small town and went back to the city where he lives and goes to school btw its like 5/4 hour drive. Oct 25th threw Oct 29th we talked about small issues.He mentioned that I would always be quiet about talking about our future. I told him I'll be more open about it because I do want to live the rest of my life with him. I don't get my hopes up for anything because then my expectations would be ruined we talked about me being less negative in that way cuz it was starting to affect him and i said yeah i understand ill do better on that cuz i dont want it to affect you or our relationship Oct 29th we were at a Halloween party and I was drinking and it annoyed me that some girls were hugging him i keept pinching him and one girl touched his face to lift him up for tequila and I told him I don't like that and he said really grow up and we were arguing the hole time there that I can't grow that he's tired of waiting for someone that is scared of being around new people and I told him I was drunk I was crying alot at the party. I personally font trust other people but i do trust him. I told him how would it feel if I was being touched by guys he stayed quiet. He told me he cherished every second we've been together but that we might not be destined to be together. I understand being negative all the time isn't good for the relationship and I told him I'm working on that I'm working on myself and that I was ready to move in with him even if it is permanently. He said school is first for me and I don't want to end this and regretting if we break up and I said then why break up I stayed with you when you had your issues in the beginning, i stayed with him and he got better because somwthing in my gut told me not to. I told him you haven't seen me in a month you haven't seen how much i changed/grow up im foing it for myself. Then he said will see how it goes once I come back for Christmas break and I'll see if you've grown/change then we can keep being together and if you don't I'm ending it. That night we were going to bed and he started to be intimate and I was okay with that, but I thought we were okay because of the intimacy. Sunday morning we woke up his mind was still clouded from the almost break up, I told him then why be intimate he said I don't know because I thought we were okay. It was kinda awkward, we talked some more I told him that I'll be better for myself and our relationship he was mostly quite and upset, he thinks that either things will go bad or good from this. I got picked up to go back home when I was about to leave he told me goodbye kissed me and said remember what we talked about I told him where going to be okay. On my way home I felt awful for what I did I wished I could stay longer with him. He didn't respond when I told him I love but he did respond when I told him I made it home. I texted him a few times and he left me on open I told him this. "i know your still need your time so text me when your ready I'll leave you alone till then respectfully." The next night I told him "Hey I know you need your time, but I was wondering if we could talk on the phone when you have time maybe this weekend" i wanted to check up on him and apologize for what i did. he left me on open and I deleted the text. He hasn't text me at all. These past three days have made me feel very conflicted about my relationship it feels like a break up. I thought about breaking up it because he's making me wait till the end of the year and he was ready to break up. But I can't bring myself to do it not because I love him my gut tells me not too. I'm afraid that he'll break up text/call that would break me because he didn't decide to wait for me to see my growth. I'm not sure what to do my mind is clouded with negative thoughts but I have hope that will be okay I'm just afraid he will leave me when I already wanted to start my life with him.

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