3 years ans he's giving up on me?
I'm 22 ans he's 25 soon to be 26. My partner and I have been together for 3 years he recently moved to a bigger city for school. Oct 20th he picked me up from our small town and went back to the city where he lives and goes to school btw its like 5/4 hour drive. Oct 25th threw Oct 29th we talked about small issues.He mentioned that I would always be quiet about talking about our future. I told him I'll be more open about it because I do want to live the rest of my life with him. I don't get my hopes up for anything because then my expectations would be ruined we talked about me being less negative in that way cuz it was starting to affect him and i said yeah i understand ill do better on that cuz i dont want it to affect you or our relationship
Oct 29th we were at a Halloween party and I was drinking and it annoyed me that some girls were hugging him i keept pinching him and one girl touched his face to lift him up for tequila and I told him I don't like that and he said really grow up and we were arguing the hole time there that I can't grow that he's tired of waiting for someone that is scared of being around new people and I told him I was drunk I was crying alot at the party. I personally font trust other people but i do trust him. I told him how would it feel if I was being touched by guys he stayed quiet. He told me he cherished every second we've been together but that we might not be destined to be together. I understand being negative all the time isn't good for the relationship and I told him I'm working on that I'm working on myself and that I was ready to move in with him even if it is permanently. He said school is first for me and I don't want to end this and regretting if we break up and I said then why break up I stayed with you when you had your issues in the beginning, i stayed with him and he got better because somwthing in my gut told me not to. I told him you haven't seen me in a month you haven't seen how much i changed/grow up im foing it for myself. Then he said will see how it goes once I come back for Christmas break and I'll see if you've grown/change then we can keep being together and if you don't I'm ending it. That night we were going to bed and he started to be intimate and I was okay with that, but I thought we were okay because of the intimacy. Sunday morning we woke up his mind was still clouded from the almost break up, I told him then why be intimate he said I don't know because I thought we were okay. It was kinda awkward, we talked some more I told him that I'll be better for myself and our relationship he was mostly quite and upset, he thinks that either things will go bad or good from this. I got picked up to go back home when I was about to leave he told me goodbye kissed me and said remember what we talked about I told him where going to be okay. On my way home I felt awful for what I did I wished I could stay longer with him. He didn't respond when I told him I love but he did respond when I told him I made it home. I texted him a few times and he left me on open I told him this. "i know your still need your time so text me when your ready I'll leave you alone till then respectfully." The next night I told him "Hey I know you need your time, but I was wondering if we could talk on the phone when you have time maybe this weekend" i wanted to check up on him and apologize for what i did. he left me on open and I deleted the text. He hasn't text me at all.
These past three days have made me feel very conflicted about my relationship it feels like a break up. I thought about breaking up it because he's making me wait till the end of the year and he was ready to break up. But I can't bring myself to do it not because I love him my gut tells me not too.
I'm afraid that he'll break up text/call that would break me because he didn't decide to wait for me to see my growth. I'm not sure what to do my mind is clouded with negative thoughts but I have hope that will be okay I'm just afraid he will leave me when I already wanted to start my life with him.
Sorry about the typos I typed it on my phone.
@Deniz315
Hi, I'm so sorry about the conflict you are having with your partner. Your feelings are completely valid and you are not alone. This is a tough situation. If you feel like you want to stay together and work things out, then you definitely should. Relationships take a lot of work. But I understand it would be difficult if he is not willing to work with you on that. I think if he is refusing to be in communication with you and to see where things are by the end of the year, then you deserve someone better than him. Even if things do not work out, you are worthy and capable of finding someone else who will be more patient with you and will always communicate with you to work through issues.
Unfortunately there are no easy solutions and I'm sorry about that.
I hope you are both able to work things out together. Best of luck!
Thank you I really appreciate it. I am committed to work things out with him, I really hope he thinks the same. I pray that our relationship will grow from this.
@Deniz315
I think maybe he sees some obvious challenges in your relationship right now. Specifically the distance, and where he’s at right now (surrounded by his new life, new people in a new city) I think he’s questioning the future of your relationship and also whether he wants to continue with you. Especially when other girls are showing interest it kind of looks like it’s crossing his mind to explore his options. Maybe not cheat exactly but I do think he’s less committed to a future with you. That he said ‘I enjoyed every moment of being with you BUT I don’t know if we’re destined to be together’ - Yes, that to me usually means he’s not interested in making it work. When people say this line it’s like a shrug, as if to say individual effort has nothing to do with relationships; that it’s just whatever ‘fate’ and destiny decides. 🫤
And obviously it’s never just any one thing. Looking at how he behaved afterwards, with not responding to texts, that’s a huge indicator of less effort being made.
Maybe just be conscious of your expectations for the future with how he’s behaving.
CatsInTheCradle
I want to keep things going I'm the only one doing the effort. It seems like he doesn't want to do the same, as much as he says school is his number one priority and I'm okay with that but if hes showing interest in other girls, I'll have to break up with him immediately. (Experience from another long distance relationship where my ex cheated on me while being in the army like 5 years ago.) I'm not 100% sure if that's the case, if it is then he needs to tell me as soon as possible, I don't want to be in that situation again where I think we're okay while he's been swayed by others and my time is being wasted. I thought of all people he would understand he knows what I've been threw. If I where to ask him about it he will just think I'm accusing him of cheating. In a way I think being around other girls his expectations for me has rised and i don't suit those standards to him, that's why he's telling me to grow up.
But as much as it hurts I will lower my expectations and keep praying. Thank you I really appreciate it. Sorry for the vent.
Update:
He texted me if we could talk. I was nervous but if we had to break up I would have been hurt but I knew i would be fine without him. He told me this week I've been trying figure out the situation and I'm not breaking up with you, but there are some things we need to talk about. We talked and we're on good terms, I also decided to stay with him and maybe we would move in together at some point. I'm more relieved than happy because we talked.