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Devin2019
1 75 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2018 Member sinceNovember 27, 2017
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I hate being watched or observed. Any advice for this?
Anxiety Support / by Devin2019
Last post
 July 17th, 2018
...See more I'm a 20 year old male. I decided that I'm going to try to get out of my comfort zone. I went out for a short walk around my neighborhood just now. I notice I have this intense fear of being watched or looked at. During my walk I had cars riding by. I hate when cars ride by me because I feel like the person driving or the people in the car are looking at me and judging me. I had to walk near an intersection to get back to my house. I don't like when cars are stopped at an intersection and I have to cross, because I feel like everyone in their vehicles are staring at me and judging me. Judging the way I walk. Them sensing or noticing that I'm nervous or uncomfortable, and judging me for it. I also have a fear of catching my neighbors sitting on their porch. I didn't catch anyone sitting on their porch during my walk. However, I have these thoughts like "What if I see my neighbors sitting on their porch? Should I say hello to them? Should I wave? What if they ignore me? What if I don't speak and they think I'm ignorant or rude? What if they think I'm weird?" I don't like being observed by people. It makes me uncomfortable. Whenever my father observes me doing something he always judges or makes fun of the way I walk. He tells me I walk very stiff. Because of that I'm self-conscious of the way I walk. I always feel like people are judging the way I walk. He gives me a hard time and gets angry with me for looking nervous or uncomfortable when we're out sometimes. This is why I always feel like people can sense that I'm nervous and are going to judge me negatively. My father always tells me, "You have to always watch your surroundings when you're out. You have to walk with your head up and your chest out. You have to man up and toughen up. You have to appear strong. You can't appear weak or scared, because people will try to harm you if you appear vulnerable." This is why I'm always a little paranoid when I'm out of my house or being watched by people, because I don't want them to think I'm weak and I don't want them to treat me like I'm nothing because of it or try to harm me. Sorry if this is all over the place, but all in all I hate being watched or observed by people. This stems from a lot of the things my father tells me. Any advice would be appreciated.
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