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DistantOwl
1 165 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2025 Member sinceSeptember 26, 2025
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LEFT OUT
Friendship Support / by DistantOwl
Last post
 October 12th, 2025
...See more hi, just asking for some advice and perspective on my current situation. I belong in a trio and recently got left out again. Its both tiring and stressing me out, its the 3rd time already, and i repeatedly told them that i HATE the feeling of being left out. I just feel like they don't even want to hangout with me no more. Its like there's a duo in a friendship that made me feel unwanted. What made me infuriated more is that one of them lied to me about it, ITS EASIER TO TELL THE TRUTH YOU KNOW. What hurts about it is that if hadn't known, i still would be smiling like a fool i was. I'm starting to doubt myself, what if im toxic for feeling like this, its not like i own them or something. Its just that i always make much effort trying to include everyone, when it's easy for them to exclude me. Maybe i should've lowered my expectations. Maybe i am just too sensitive. I just wanted them to value me like i value them. Perhaps invite me or something even if you know i wouldn't make it or go, ITS THE THOUGHT. I need help i don't know what to do, i do appreciate assurances but i need something logical to put my mind into ease right now.
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Grief?
Grief & Loss / by DistantOwl
Last post
 October 10th, 2025
...See more I'm not sure if you could call this grief but the only reason that i breathe right now is because i don't want to see my parents miserable. I genuinely believe that each of them owns 50% of my will to live. If they die they would take that will with them, i believe i would just wither on the streets or eventually k*ll myself. I hate the thought of losing them and i believe im nothing without them.
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STRUGGLING TO FIT IN/ BULLYING/ DEPRESSION
Self-Esteem / by DistantOwl
Last post
 September 28th, 2025
...See more I'm an only child and struggled fitting in every since i was kid. I'm left alone by my parents most of the time since they both have to work, and i was often left with a nanny or our neighbors. No one wants to play with me specifically, maybe because i was fat? ugly? disgusting? so i kept forcing them to play with me. Even my parents mentioned that back then when they invited a playmate come over to our house and was about to leave, i locked the door so she can't go out the house and cried with her begging her not leave. This continued on through middle school, i was bullied for being to shy to make friends, and not being able to relate to trendy things during that time. I was labled as a 'theif' even though all i do is kept their things that they left and gave it back to them, it feels targeted if it was one of them im sure they'll laugh it off but when it comes to me im 'disgusting'. I was a carefree smart kid back then but ever since they did those things, my grades, my self esteem, and *** even myself i lost it all. I fell into a deep depression for 2years, even tried to off myself. Now, im a senior in highschool things have changed alot i got back on my feet, got friends, and got back on that academic drive of mine. Still, I can't shake off the feeling that it's all a lie that its fake, i still feel like a disgusting loser disguised as a normal person. I'm still living in fear that if i do something wrong or embarrassing, things will go back the way it was before. I fear that my depression will come back as soon as i stopped occupying myself with my studies etc. I'm afraid to think, walk, and act upon my ideas and wants. I fear people, i fear their judgemental eyes seeping into my skin. Im anxious of what they think of me. I need help to get over this fear of mine, and i want answers on why this is happening it feels confusing. I genuinely want to become a better person, someone i could be proud of.
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