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DontHaveaName
227 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts43 Forum upvotes23 Current upvotes23 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceNovember 12, 2014
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i need somebody who knows psychology well.. or your best guess...
General Support / by DontHaveaName
Last post
 January 20th, 2015
...See more All my life ive been nice to people. I never wanted to hurt anybodys feelings unless they deserved it, and even then i was never cruel. Ive been messed with and stepped all over because all i want to do is please people. Now i dont take crap from nobody. I can be very mean. Ive always kept what i truly wanted to say to stand up for myself to just that, to myself. Now i just want to tell everybody how... how much i really dont like. In the worst way, at least worst for somebody like me. It feels like im not myself anymore. Like im a different person. But im aware of what i say. Sometimes i forget afterwards, i forget specific things, like i only know the basic idea. I blow it off on how angry i was at the time. I dont know if im like this because im tired of being used and mistreated, or if its more. Or both. I have a family history of mental illness, at least two generations of the women on my maternal side have been diagnosed with mental issues. But i dont know whats true. Ive always been scared id be the same way.. now i question my whole personality...
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i dont know what to do with myself...
Depression Support / by DontHaveaName
Last post
 December 5th, 2014
...See more Ive been struggling for my whole life. But my mind snapped four years ago. Ive hit rock bottom so many times. Self medicated and self harmed on and off. My emotions have gone haywire. Im losing friends. Losing jobs. Losing family. Losing my mind. Every time i getbetter, i get shot down. Some of my friends have dropped me because of myboyfriend. My mom and i dont get along, so none of us talk to each other. Ijust had a huge fight with one of my bestfriends of many years over their insults against my boyfriend. I dont think they will talk to me for awhile if ever again. Im trying to hold back my thoughts and urges. Im in the process of getting help, but i have a ways to go. I often feel like i should just leave. Everybody would be better off. Im 99% isolated any way. But i want a full life with my love. I want to start over. I need to. Im so stressed out over everything. I feel like such a failure and a terrible person. And no matter what anybody says, i cant get that out of my head. I hate everything about myself. My image, my personality, my attitude, my thought process. Everything. I cant stand myself, and i feel like nobody else can stand me either. Only tolerate me. Im surprised he even loves me. Im such a mess and a hassle. He didnt sign up for this. Im surprised i have the few friends i do now. I hope i can get better. But sometimes, i secretly wish i never do. So i can suffer for all the wrong ive done in my pathetic life.
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