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To be honest, I don't even know how to start this.
My name is Dylan. I'm 19, and I just got out of a relationship with a girl I was with for two years. We got together when I was a junior in high school, and she had just graduated. We knew each other from work. We were always talking, joking around, and became friends for about six months before I finally worked up the courage to ask her out.
She was my first real relationship, and she was my first everything.
At first, everything was going great. Then, about a year into the relationship, we started having problems. She told me I was smoking too much weed, falling asleep all the time, not listening to her enough, and not taking her out or doing things together like couples should. I understood where she was coming from, and I felt guilty because I knew some of it was true. I told her I would change.
So I started trying. I slowly cut back on smoking. I listened to her more. If I was playing a game and she wanted to talk, I'd turn it off immediately. I started asking her out to eat more often. She always drove because I didn't have my license. For a little while, things seemed better.
But after a while, every time I asked her to go out, there always seemed to be a reason she couldn't. She had plans with her sister, her family, or something else. We also had Sunday dinner with her family every week. I wasn't always the most talkative person, but I'd listen and join in when I could. Some days I talked a lot, and other days I barely said anything.
That became another issue. I tried explaining that it was hard for me to speak up because I often got talked over, and it reminded me of my abusive dad. Everyone in her family had strong personalities, and it made it difficult for me to find a place in the conversation. Even after telling her that, nothing really changed. I still ended up blaming myself.
Eventually, we had another serious talk. She told me she wanted me to be more of a man, talk more during family dinners, get my driver's license, and find a better job since she had gotten a new one. Her parents had also started talking badly about me, and I felt like that influenced how she looked at me.
I told her how I felt too. I said I didn't like that she never stood up for me when her parents talked about me. I told her I felt like I always came last. I also reminded her that I had been trying to take her out more like she wanted. Her response surprised me. She said she thought she'd enjoy going out on dates, but she'd actually rather just pick up food and eat at home. I accepted that, but I also told her she could be controlling and bossy at times and that we needed to communicate better.
Things settled down for a while.
Then a new guy started working with us. Let's just call him "***."
He was taller than me, rode a motorcycle, and was in better shape than I was. My girlfriend was a manager, I was a busser, and he worked nights as a line cook while I worked mornings. At first, I thought they were just coworkers talking.
After a couple of months, he moved away, but she added him on ***. I eventually found out they had been talking on *** for ten months while we were still together.
He came back to town twice without me knowing. One time he stopped by work to pick up some things. Another time he came back to get his cats. They met up again, talked, and she even got into his truck to see the cats. He told her she should come visit him sometime, and she laughed and said, "Maybe one day."
Not long after that, we started having more relationship problems and decided to just be friends with benefits while still spending time together.
About two weeks later, she started acting differently. We'd get on Fortnite with friends, and after we got off, she'd immediately hang up our call. A week later, I found out she was talking to another guy. That's when she finally told me about "***" and admitted they had been talking and FaceTiming.
I tried talking to another girl myself, but I couldn't do it. It just broke my heart.
Then I found out she had been emotionally cheating on me. She said she felt bad about it, but she also told me she was planning to go on vacation in two months to visit him "as friends." They were planning to ride his motorcycle together and go to the beach.
That hurt more than anything because it felt like she moved on so quickly.
She kept telling me nothing was going to happen between them. I told her I didn't believe that. I even joked, "I'll bet you ten bucks you two end up having sex."
She smirked and said, "Nothing will happen... maybe kissing and second base, but not third."
That answer destroyed me.
She even brought up how hard it had been for her to show me her body when we first started dating. Before I knew all of this, I had asked her how this guy made her feel. The biggest smile came across her face, and she blushed. That's when I knew she already had feelings for him.
Even after everything, I still call her because I don't want to lose her completely.
She tells me I blame myself too much, and maybe she's right. I probably do. When she admitted she'd been talking to him for ten months, she even said, "You should be mad at me."
But I couldn't be.
I didn't even know what I was feeling anymore.
There's a lot more to the story, but this is as much as I can write right now. I know it's all over the place, and I'm sorry. This is the first time I've ever really tried putting everything into words.
