Echudson2021 Member Profile

...See more I've been struggling with CPTSD for about 4½ years now. I am super paranoid, I hear and see things that no one else seems to hear or see. My night is often interrupted by nightmares. I have - at times, overwhelming anxiety and depression, physical and mental fatigue, waves of nausia, panic attacks; and, sometimes I feel like I am stuck in a day dream or I just completely lose concious awareness. I have a long history of substance use disorder but I cant really get high. I used stimulants - in the past - to feel "normal" Once again I am almost a month clean and I cant shake these symptoms (?). I stay home as much as possible and cannot handle social interaction without feeling just super paranoid or angry, or a combination of both. My doctor put me on medication that seems to help a little bit, but quite frankly, i feel like i can never attain the stability I need to live a normal life. The only place I seem to do well is in prison..... Last year I attempted suicide and the attempt was botched. Instead of feeling lucky to be alive I felt like I couldn't even get that right. I just feel doomed.Even though things are going well at this time, I feel like everything is just going to crash down around me, thats its just a matter of time. Why can I not heal on an emotional level? I just feel perpetually sick, both mentally and physically. Why can't i come out of this?

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