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Ehrynny
196 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2019 Member sinceOctober 18, 2017
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Want to die but not suicidal...
Depression Support / by Ehrynny
Last post
 September 26th, 2018
...See more Sorry if this is the wrong forum, 7cups confuses the heck out of me. Honestly, Im just feeling really lost. Every day for weeks Ive felt so... meh. Like Im not suicidal but I wouldnt be mad about it if I just didnt wake up or if I got hit by a bus or something. I know it would be hell for my family, we had a suicide in the family a year or so ago and were all still pretty devastated about it, so even if it were an accident I know they would be traumatised to lose me as well, even though Im not really terribly popular in the family. I dont know how listeners work or how to use this app even, I cant afford a therapist - here or offline - since my insurance only covers so much and Ive been unemployed for a while now. But I just wanted to get this out there somewhere. I cant put it on my social media because everyone freaks out every time I say anything remotely negative, as if Im some fragile flower that needs to be protected. Im not. Im just miserable, and being coddled doesnt help. My family treat my depression as if they can just make it all better by spending one day with me, and I love them for trying but its not that simple. I guess I dont really have a question or a reason for posting this other than to try and get it off my mind. If I can just stop thinking about how much better everyones lives would be if I died or never existed then maybe I can start feeling better? I dont know. Thanks if you read this, and sorry its so directionless.
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