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ElectronicDreamer
238 M Embraced 2
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2021 Member sinceJanuary 30, 2021
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Abusive parents
Family & Caregivers / by ElectronicDreamer
Last post
 September 26th, 2021
...See more Hi. I am 30 and always dealt with abusive parents since childhood. But Their behaviour lately has become worrying and I am having recurrent suicidal thoughts. I will try to keep it short but I don't think it will be easy cause my family story is complicated. Basically I took my law degree 3 years ago. Here in Italy becoming a lawyer is no easy task. Law school lasts 5 years or more (depending on what kind of thesis you decide to choose,too). After that, you have to become a trainee lawyer for almost 2 years , in order to have access to a test that will eventually make of you a lawyer. This means that most of people actually are able to work when they are in theit late 20s/early 30s. I unfortunately failed mine but ever since that I tried to find a job while getting ready for the next test. During this last year and a half I worked for a law firm that barely ever gave me any money+worked as a journalist for a local magazine. They don't pay me enough but at least I earn some money. I tried my best. And I am still trying my best. Plus, I am now studying to become a state official. I am on books 6 hours a day cause you need an exam to be one. I am trying all the ways that I have to find a damn job. Despite all this, my parents are daily screaming at me, telling me I have to get out of their house and start living with my money cause they just can't stand me anymore. They tell me I am useless , worthless, that I never in my life accomplished anything good. Never asked to them any money. I maybe not earning much as a journalist, but what I earn is enough to pay for myself. We all live in a big house , it's 3 stairs and I live in the apartment downstairs. I don't know why they came up with this thing that I gotta leave 'their' house. My father is a teacher in retirement and even though we are not rich, they have no reason to talk to me like that. I see my coworkers living with parents and their parents being supportive and always helping them out, even financially. And this thing is slowly killing me. Help me . I am in a dark place and see no solutions 😔
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Calming down during an anxiety attack
Anxiety Support / by ElectronicDreamer
Last post
 March 5th, 2021
...See more What do you usually do when you have an anxiety attack? Having one today after a very rough week and nothing seems to be calming me down. I tried everything. Took a chamomile, tried to distract myself by listening to music, reading, drawing. Nothing! I tried some breathing exercises as usual. I tried meditation. Nothing is calming me down today. What do i do? I feel like my chest is about to explode 😔 i can't breathe
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Not sure if I have an eating disorder but
Eating Disorder Support / by ElectronicDreamer
Last post
 February 17th, 2021
...See more Hi! I am 30 and I suffer from anxiety. I am not sure if I have an eating disorder but during my entire life people have always made me notice how little I eat. There are a lot of foods I don't like and during the years my "no-no list" became longer and longer. There are foods I don't like (for example hamburgers, sausages, hot dogs ) and food that I only eat if cooked in an ONLY way. For example I only eat eggs if boiled. Not sunny side up, not scrambled, not omelettes or a la coque . Just boiled. Then there are some foods that are just in a "gray area": those are the foods I eat cause I have to, otherwise I would end up eating nothing cause my nono list is getting too long. There are very little foods I really enjoy to eat *sushi, pizza, French fries..* all the others I eat them just cause I gotta eat. I sometimes feel like throwing up when I eat. Especially when I force my self to eat a little more. And lately 9 times out of 10 I am never hungry. I have always had this relationship with food but lately looks like it's getting worse. I watched few videos of girls with eating disorders and I found out they have some habits that I have. For example I tend to cut the food into small pieces and then I decide which ones to eat and which not. Friends or boyfriends have always considered it a bizarre behavior when watching me to that for the first time nut then got used to it so I thought it was "normal" but clearly it's not. I am confused 😔 any advices?
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Bad anxiety attacks lately
Anxiety Support / by ElectronicDreamer
Last post
 February 9th, 2021
...See more Hi! I am 30 years old and I have always been a very anxious person. Since I was a kid. I actually really do not know where my anxiety comes from and never went into therapy. With the pandemic and all my anxiety attacks have become a lot worse. After the first lockdown here in Italy, in May 2020, I went to the doctor cause my anxiety was getting worse and worse and he gave me paroxetine.. I decided not to take it because of the bad collateral effects.. during the summer I was feeling a little bit better but now since this fall my anxiety got worse again (government put us in some sort of semi-lockdown) . I must admit there have been some times where I had suicidal thoughts (though they were just "thoughts"... like "who would notice if I took my life? Would my parents and brothers and boyfriend be sad about that? I am useless. I am a failure. I disappoint everyone" and so on). I guess things got worse because of my job. Lost my job with the pandemic and right now I have just somd "b plan" job cause I can't stand being inactive and do nothing all day. But anxiety is slowly killing me. There are several days where I can't function properly.. I feel like I have no way out and I am in a dark place. Everything makes me wanna cry. I can't even stand even the smallest issue and I stand panicking...and I noticed it gets worse when my period is about to come. How do you deal with that and is there anything that can help you apart from meds, which I would prefer not to take?
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