EllaFell2431 Member Profile

...See more For the purpose of this, I'm going to refer to my interest as X. Also, I apologise for how long winded this is, I just feel like I need to get this off my chest and possibly receive some advice. I met him when I started a new job 3 years ago and as silly as this sounds as I was already in a relationship so I tried to keep him at arms length by acting childish and pretending that I didn't get along with him (making things very awkward at at work). Fast forward to 9 months ago when my relationship ended, me and X started texting about all sorts of things and really getting along. We would flirt but also just have general chit chat. around 4 months ago we started to see eachother more intimately though he first said that it was just 'fun' and didn't like the idea of mixing work with pleasure. As the months went by he text me without fail everday, asking how my day was, what I was doing, etc, overall not giving off the impression that it was just sex. I would feel myself falling for X but wouldn't know where I would stand as he'd brush things off whenever I would ask, ultimately getting me back on his side. X is a landlord to students outside of work so spends a lot of time, especially in the summer working in these accomadations - he would soon begin to say that he was very busy and didn't have anytime to see me or have a relationship, he'd say that's why him and his ex broke up. After not seeing him other than work for almost a month. I decided I needed to know where I stood as he was still texting me everyday (cutesy texts) and being overly helpful at work. I asked him in person what this was and if it was just sex, his reply was "I don't know, at first it was just sex but now I don't know" mentioning that us not getting along for the first two years didn't help things, then I asked how he felt about me - same response. He said that all his time went on the student houses as that was his pension pot. I finally asked him what he actually thought of me and he said that I was a "good girl". I don't know why, but being in my late 20's and him being almost 10 years older, I thought I'd have more of a solid answer than just "I don't know". I felt pretty gutted but decided that I had to end whatever was going on as I was starting therapy and have issues within myself that I need to work on (self esteem), I briefly just said I'm worth more than you not knowing, he replied, saying sorry if he'd hurt me and that he did care but the timing was off. He didn't want to end things but if I needed to then I should. I got lost in my head and unfortunately fell for him. That was three weeks ago and he has completely left me alone. At work, I try my best to avoid him and don't speak to him because it's too painful. At first, he tried to playfully pull my hair and ask if I wasn't talking to him and then he started giving me dirty looks when he realsied that I wasn't. I know that me not speaking and avoiding him may be childish but I have really fallen for him and it hurts a lot - it feels like I meant nothing to him. I am trying to accept the situation but I'm worried that seeing him at work is going to keep hurting me. I want to let this go but I keep thinking about the situation. I also am not sure about the "right" way to act at work. A part of me still thinks "what if", even though I know there was nothing there. I'm not sure what I hope to gain from posting my story here, but hopefully it'll help clarify some things.

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