Trying to Let Go
For the purpose of this, I'm going to refer to my interest as X. Also, I apologise for how long winded this is, I just feel like I need to get this off my chest and possibly receive some advice.
I met him when I started a new job 3 years ago and as silly as this sounds as I was already in a relationship so I tried to keep him at arms length by acting childish and pretending that I didn't get along with him (making things very awkward at at work). Fast forward to 9 months ago when my relationship ended, me and X started texting about all sorts of things and really getting along. We would flirt but also just have general chit chat. around 4 months ago we started to see eachother more intimately though he first said that it was just 'fun' and didn't like the idea of mixing work with pleasure. As the months went by he text me without fail everday, asking how my day was, what I was doing, etc, overall not giving off the impression that it was just sex. I would feel myself falling for X but wouldn't know where I would stand as he'd brush things off whenever I would ask, ultimately getting me back on his side. X is a landlord to students outside of work so spends a lot of time, especially in the summer working in these accomadations - he would soon begin to say that he was very busy and didn't have anytime to see me or have a relationship, he'd say that's why him and his ex broke up. After not seeing him other than work for almost a month. I decided I needed to know where I stood as he was still texting me everyday (cutesy texts) and being overly helpful at work. I asked him in person what this was and if it was just sex, his reply was "I don't know, at first it was just sex but now I don't know" mentioning that us not getting along for the first two years didn't help things, then I asked how he felt about me - same response. He said that all his time went on the student houses as that was his pension pot. I finally asked him what he actually thought of me and he said that I was a "good girl". I don't know why, but being in my late 20's and him being almost 10 years older, I thought I'd have more of a solid answer than just "I don't know". I felt pretty gutted but decided that I had to end whatever was going on as I was starting therapy and have issues within myself that I need to work on (self esteem), I briefly just said I'm worth more than you not knowing, he replied, saying sorry if he'd hurt me and that he did care but the timing was off. He didn't want to end things but if I needed to then I should. I got lost in my head and unfortunately fell for him.
That was three weeks ago and he has completely left me alone. At work, I try my best to avoid him and don't speak to him because it's too painful. At first, he tried to playfully pull my hair and ask if I wasn't talking to him and then he started giving me dirty looks when he realsied that I wasn't. I know that me not speaking and avoiding him may be childish but I have really fallen for him and it hurts a lot - it feels like I meant nothing to him. I am trying to accept the situation but I'm worried that seeing him at work is going to keep hurting me. I want to let this go but I keep thinking about the situation. I also am not sure about the "right" way to act at work. A part of me still thinks "what if", even though I know there was nothing there.
I'm not sure what I hope to gain from posting my story here, but hopefully it'll help clarify some things.
Is there anyway to change jobs or change positions or work times so you won’t be able to see him? It can definitely be very hard having to see him at work and try to get rid of your feelings. If there’s no way to change positions or work times I think maybe if possible if you can… find another job. Some may say no don’t change your job but if seeing this man is emotionally hurting you I believe you should try and get away. You’re mental and emotionally health is extremely important and the more u see him the more you can get hurt. Hope this helped.
Thank you. I definitely need to put distance between us for me to heal. I hope with time, I can stop seeing this as a negative and see it as a learning curve.
Your mental health IS important! I would say that changing your job or job location would be beneficial because then it'll be even easier to avoid him, and perhaps, allow those feelings to fade. I say that, not whole heartedly believing that because I don't think feelings ever fade, which is difficult--instead, we just need to work on being resilient and coping with them. As rough as it may be to be ignoring him at work and then him giving you dirty looks, I say, keep it up, stand up tall when you walk by him, and pretend to be confident at least that you are worthy of more than just sex. You are a person and he is damn-well missing out. But keep focusing on you, and don't let his ambiguous self-esteem get in the way of you finding love elsewhere :)
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am looking to leave my job (not altogether because of this situation) but the job I'm looking at has closed it's applications until later this year. I can avoid him mostly at work but there are sometimes where it's impossible, like at the end of the day. I just want to be able to get away from the constant thoughts in my head and the "what ifs". I'm learning to build my self esteem through therapy, I'm just hurting at the moment and hope I learn to cope with it better.
