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ElysiaViridis
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PathStep 4 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2017 Member sinceMay 15, 2017
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I don't know if I have BPD
Personality Disorders Support / by ElysiaViridis
Last post
 May 23rd, 2017
...See more So I've had some problems in the past with depression but over the last 5 years have gotten over it but I still have problems with regulating my emotions. I didn't know what BPD was until recently, I'd looked up a lot of disorders like bipolar and that but it never really sounded quite right and with the stigma against BPD I always thought it was more extreme so hadn't looked into it. Then a month or so ago my friend said it sounds like I might have it. I had a suicide attempt 5 years ago but didn't go through with it so I don't know if I can even call it that, but I know in my mind I was ready to die that day. It was only a year ago that I first told anyone about this attempt and started to look for professional help. Since then I've just been put on various waiting lists for therapy and sent from one place to another and keep having to repeat the same story about my past that I'm not comfortable talking about in the first place. I've been told by my mum that I'm sad because I'm a hormonal teenager. The counsellor was convinced it was because it's my time of the month. And last week I went to the GP to say I'd been thinking about killing myself only to be told I 'seemed fine today'. I honestly don't know what else to do now because nobody seems to be believeing me or taking me seriously, which I get because I do seem fine when I talk to them. But that's because I've spent 20 years learning to hide any depressed feelings because my mum didn't like people knowing we had problems. And most of the time these days I am fine, it's just these times when it hits me and I sit there crying for hours on my own in my room and thinking about suicide and I don't even know why because I'm really happy with my life and my entire life basically revolves around me doing all the self-help activities I read about in books and that. At the moment I feel like I should just give up with trying to get professional help. Any advice?
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