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Eman1555
1 282 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 22, 2025
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From the Unknown
Grief & Loss / by Eman1555
Last post
 April 23rd
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Happy 35th, Beloved Self
Journals & Diaries / by Eman1555
Last post
 November 15th, 2025
...See more Happy 35th Birthday, Me Today feels different, a soft turning of a page, the quiet closing of a long, old chapter. Thirty-five years of rising and falling, of breaking and mending, of losing myself, finding pieces, and learning to walk again. I have crossed deserts with no map, weathered storms with no shelter, and survived the battles inside my own chest. Sometimes alone, sometimes with hands that helped me stand. And now, this feels like the dusk of an era, a last breath before something unnamed. As a child, I dreamt a dream: Allah promised to take me to His side in my early thirties. Here I am, in the middle of them, wondering what “His side” truly meant. Maybe it was peace. Maybe surrender. Maybe simply arriving at myself. I may not feel happy, but somehow I feel enough. I may stand alone, but I feel whole from within. I may hold nothing, yet I’m free from everything that used to hold me. Healing or numbness I can’t say. But I am here. Breathing. Present. Alive. Blessed in strange, quiet ways. Ready for whatever form of blessing comes next, in this world, or the one beyond.
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At the Corner of the Universe,
Grief & Loss / by Eman1555
Last post
 October 25th, 2025
...See more Sitting here alone in the darkness. Not even a flicker of a star to give me company. It’s so dark that I can’t even see life. I can’t see how life is going on with me, neither with others! Does even life exist? I feel so empty of all sources and forces. I can feel Allah deep down but it’s only because I’ve been clinging onto Him, I don’t know if He even wants me. They say this is the dark night of the soul, yet I’m not sure where I am. I can feel dark forces around me, I can hear their vicious laughs, I can feel their dark energy. I feel them flying around me. I feel like I was left there unprotected. Maybe even my guardian angels don’t know what to do with me anymore. I try to safe myself yet my power isn’t enough. I feel them closing in and I feel like I’m losing. It’s not a win-lose situation, or even control game. It’s more as I’m fighting for my right to exist. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to exist and that’s why I can’t even find my next step.  I some times come across videos about astrology and predictions, yet I don’t even feel like I belong to my birth time! No career, no family, no past, no present, no future, no home, nothing at all. I feel like I’ve possessed this body and got stuck and I don’t know how to get out of it. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be a human soul?! I don’t know.  I feel like I’m walking around holding my dead soul in my arms, yet no one sees that. I feel like I’ve been walking the longest funeral ever.  Did I say I feel empty? Not quite. I feel empty yes, but I feel full of everything. I feel like I’m that cabinet in every house that has everything in it and forgotten. I’m that cabinet to the universe. I feel angry with everything that exists, even with Allah. How am I supposed to deliver my soul’s mission if I wasn’t given the tools? Yeah maybe it’s in me all along and I know that, but what about the closed doors that are out of my control? What about the evil soul that controls even my breath and he calls himself a father.  I think I’ve been holding on the beast forever, and that is the tool that would open the doors. And I mean the evil beast not the good one.  You know why I even feel angrier now? It’s because I feel like I even being used right now to teach my parents their lessons, but they’re a lost call, no hope for them. I’ll just suffer alone and they won’t even change.  I feel like I’m a vomit away from leaving this body. I know for sure I won’t harm myself, but I feel like I’m reaching the finish line, and my soul doesn’t want me anymore, or maybe it’s looking for my salvation. 
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Free Space
Grief & Loss / by Eman1555
Last post
 October 25th, 2025
...See more Hello Universe, remember me?  I don’t know if you even notice me in this vastness. Yet, your effect on me can’t go unnoticed. It feels like I’m not allowed out of this by any mean. You enjoy watching me crawling to a mirage. I’m covered with my own wounds, I keep going, I can see a finish line. Is it really?  I feel everything. I feel the sadness, I feel the rejection, I feel the abandonment, I feel the unseen, I feel the unheard, I feel the anger, I feel the madness, I feel the unimportant, I feel the loneliness. But do you feel me? Feel my pain? Feel the crack in my voice? Feel the heat in my tears? Feel the death? Feel the disappointment? Feel the falling over and over again?  I’m that flickering star in space. The star that tried forever until it swallowed  itself into a black hole. Too fascinating to explore, yet to scary to stay with. 
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