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Erarosaimmortal
2,421 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts54 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2020 Member sinceMarch 25, 2019
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My anxiety is holding me back in life
Anxiety Support / by Erarosaimmortal
Last post
 April 15th, 2019
...See more I've just come out of a 9 month long physically and emotionally abusive relationship. That person a few months before we broke up would call me worthless, stupid and abnormal for having anxiety. He would always blame me for everything, he stole from me, cheated on me and said to me "I never wanted to be with you in the first place." After I caught him cheating. I knew I had to leave, so I did with help from a close friend. But now since then I've felt so empty and alone. I had to move back in with my mother because he stole all of my money from me. I've had anxiety since I was about 15. That's when I noticed something was wrong. But before that I was a very shy child. I grew up in a domestic violence household and that's when I noticed my anxiety got worse while at school. My anxiety is the worst it's ever been. Now I just feel lost and alone, I can't stop randomly crying at times. I've been having suicidal thoughts, I've had them before throughout my life. I keep attracting bad people into my life too. Before I didn't leave the house for 4 weeks! and was even afraid to go outside. If I do go out, I also feel as if I'm being watched and then I panic. Sometimes I feel off balance when I walk in a busy public place. I've come to realise I've had a few bad relationships that end with them trying to control, isolate or belittle me. After they end is when I get more anxious for a long time and can't forget about it. I'm even afraid to go to college or uni because of the fear of an induction day. I want to over come all this, I really do, as I'm 25 and feel as if I missing out on life. I forgot to mention that my anxiety started to go down hill again after a previous job I had. When I was alienated, bullied and sexually harassed by my boss and colleague. I'd appreciate any advice, thanks:)
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