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Ericka17
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2017 Member sinceDecember 13, 2017
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I think I have an eating disorder (I'm new here)
Eating Disorder Support / by Ericka17
Last post
 December 14th, 2017
...See more Helloo I am new here and don't really know how this works, but I need someone to talk to and understand. I think I have an eating disorder and don't know what to do. I have struggled with disordered eating and body image issues on and off since 5th grade (I'm currently 17), but the shit really hit the fan about 5 months ago. I was at my highest weight after going through a massive depressive episode and suicide attempt. I felt like absolute shit about myself and thought I would feel happier if I lost some weight. So I started right off with eating [edited] calories a day and kept eating less and less. I dropped [edited] pounds in less than three months by eating between [edited] calories a day. Since then I have slowly started to eat more because my health was scaring me and I was somewhat happier with my body. I have been high restricting for the past few months and have lost another [edited] pounds. I have tried multiple times to eat normally, but it's impossible. I am OBSESSED with food. Always thinking about what I'm going to eat next, calories, and constantly thinking about my body and doing body checks. I also got really into cooking because I'm terrified of other people cooking my meals. I am not underweight (bmi of [edited]) but I have lost a shit ton of weight. My health is deteriorating. I have lost about half my head of hair in the past 2 months (I used to have lots and lots of thick, curly hair) and every time I shower clumps just fall out and it's terrifying. I have also developed heart palpitations and am constantly dizzy/weak and emotionless. I have all of these weird food rules and I am constantly planning my meals. I honestly don't think I will ever be able to eat normally again. I feel trapped and alone and I am so afraid of anyone finding out because I don't want anyone to stop me. Sorry this is so long, and if you happen to read this, thank you so much for listening. [edited by Anomalia to remove calorie / weight specifics]
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