FantasyNerd98 Member Profile

...See more This is going to be a long story... And im incredibly ashamed by it.... Im going to tell many embarrasing things about me but i want you to know everything.. I have femdom fetish, i enjoy seeing woman dominate weaker men... i have this fetish since i remember... Its all about power dynamics and submission... When i was 17 years old i found a "men vs women" youtube playlist... it was about women beaten men in fights,wrestling and so on.... I masturbated to these videos alot.... but after going deeper in the playlist there were videos of girls (around my age) wrestling with their much younger brothers.... they were play fighting and a family nember recorded it and put it on youtube for fun... and it ended up in that playlist.... And the worst thing is that i masturbated to these videos.... I also remember looking at a news report about cp on deep web.... and in that report they used a heavily censored image.... but you could see a woman standing over a child... i felt arousal when i saw it.... How can it not be fucked up ? I get aroused by anything that has a woman domination in it..... even that censored image... i havent masturbated to it but i did felt aroused when i saw it.... Im not a pedo, i was not aroused by the younger person on the video... it was the fact that woman was winning a fight against somenoe weaker that made me aroused.. Im 19 now and i feel incredibly bad and guilty about this.... I can no longer concentrate on school,hobbies,music and so on.... I cant start a relationship with a girl i like because i feel like i she would hate me if she knew this thing about me.... And i feel like im a monster and i should not have a girfriend.... I also feel a very strong urge to tell her about it.... we are friends and i feel like she deserves to know this sick thing i did... I have never done anything illegal and i have never watched child porn... i dont want to... But these wrestling videos made me aroused back then... and i ended up masturbating... I feel horrible... i feel like a pervert. I know im not a pedo but thats not an excuse for what i did... Ofcourse i dont watch these videos anymore... i feel sick even thinking about it... I now watch only normal BDSM Stuff on porn sites. Im growing more and more suicidal by the day..... and i dont know if its justified and if im a monster... So i have few questions for you..... if you want to answer, please be honest and dont be too kind to me. - How bad is the thing i done ? - Should i tell my potentional partner about it ? - Am i overthinking this ? I just want to know if i can forgive myself and go on with my life..

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