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Flaggirl900
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2022 Member sinceAugust 18, 2019
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I just need to speak
Anxiety Support / by Flaggirl900
Last post
 August 19th, 2019
...See more I've always struggled with anxiety and depression though I think I have been in denial about it for some time. But lately it seems to have overtaken my life. I shake constantly, cry constantly, have no energy, look sad and feel like everything I do is wrong and a failure. I let everyone else down but the worst is I let myself down as I have high standards. I'm 26 with a college degree working at Walmart though I am a supervisor I feel like I'm just here wasting my life. I have a great group of friends here that are like family though and I just can't imagine not seeing them and starting over though I am well aware I need to but am too terrified to take the first step. Some days I feel like I have lived all I can and would rather not be faced with the uncertainty of the future. I have to be there for everyone else all the time and I have no energy to be strong for myself. I have tried to talk to people about it all and one told me I was looking for attention and another complaining too much, the latter who I just recently helped through some mental problems of his own but now feel he thinks I'm just looking for pity. But I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I have always tried so hard and cared so much and it has never gotten me anywhere and I'm always the one getting hurt. I also have trichotillomania and pull my hair which makes everything worse as I use it to cope and then get more anxious about it after. It's like I have a great friend group, a great family, a roof over my head, food, money and live in a beautiful place so why with everything do I feel like this. Other people have cancer, grief, financial trouble, marriage trouble and I have none of that so my problems seem unreal. I feel guilty for even feeling like this and don't want to burden others and waste their time with my likely trivial problems so I push them deeper inside. I plan on getting professional help shortly but I don't even know what I want or what happiness is anymore.
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