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FriedaRaven
1,050 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 16 Compassion hearts59 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2022 Member sinceJune 8, 2022
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My Life after posting "Mentally drained from parents"
Family & Caregivers / by FriedaRaven
Last post
 December 24th, 2022
...See more Hey there, I am now posting again after 6 months from my previous post known as "Mentally Drained From parents". To summarise from that post, I have parents who may have never physically laid a hand on me, but terrify me with their mental and emotional abuse. I have fallen in love and got together with a man who is the only person who understood what I am going through because of them, my parents hate him and refuse to let me be in a relationship with him because he is someone who dated his ex and had a child with her who is now 3 years old. His ex happens to be a close friend of mine from school, it was confirmed that due to their history and how frustrated they get with each other every second, its 100% impossible for them to get back together, they're even splitting up for the sake of their kid to avoid have him suffer from issues. My friend knew and figured that we fell for each other and supports us so much to be in a relationship. I did obviously have brief talks with her about how she feels about us but in the end, she confirmed that she never felt hurt and is happy for us. The only reason why they continued to be in contact was so that he can continue to provide financial support for the child as they remain good friends. My parents however never understood the situation and probably don't even want to understand and just prefer to force me in doing what they want to do. So as a result, we have no choice but to remain in secret by no posting in social media nor letting them, my relatives or friends know about it in order to protect ourselves until we can financially find a way out by moving out. Now I'll be explaining what happened during the past 6 months. To be completely honest, nothing much good happened at all, instead, my mental health became worse. As 20 years old, soon 21 in January, I am still living with my parents while studying on my final year graphic design course in college, I decided to quit my job for the sake of getting more time and rest from working on so many projects. My boyfriend currently lives with his own parents recently getting a new job where he earns about 1500 per month. I barely have friends, those close to me went their separate way to accomplish their own goals, causing us to barely communicate. My classmates work individually and are not the type where I am really close with. While my boyfriend is working very hard to finally save money for renting a place for us, I am really confused with my own emotions, 2 months ago, my parents and I had a huge verbal fight. I felt traumatised, I dont know if trauma counts because till now, I still suffer from their shouting words that kept repeating in my head. Whenever I'm out and I'm alone, when those bad memories get to me, I suddenly feel like I'm about to break and cry so much with my heart pounding, repeating the words "ill be a good girl". Its all because they found out about me and Charlie (Charlie is a fake name I have put in this post as my boyfriend in order to protect his privacy) I still awfully remember their words. My dad screamed: "He's full of ***! Wanting to be with you when he knows you're the friend of someone he used to have sex with! They had sex and had a kid! Why can't you be with someone who is a virgin!!" "I have worked so hard, I had endured the racist comments people throw at me at my workplace and end up risking my health so that I can earn money and bring food to the table to make sure you don't go hungry! And what I get! You disrespecting us!" "What do you think I am hurting you for?! Telling the truth?!" "You think we are hurting you?! YOU ARE hurting us!!" "He is the cause of all this *** attitude you are giving us!" "You are sick!" "If you think that you don't care what people think about the choices you make as long as you're happy then you are a pig!!" And then my mother starts crying saying, "How dare you decide to be with a guy you've known only for a few months instead of being with us who sheltered and took care of you for 20 years! I gave birth and nearly died because of you! Do you have any idea what we've been through? We've endured losses, fights, got away from our own families just so we can give you the best life! Why would you do this to me?" They even told me that they will "Bash" him if they were to ever see him, not caring if they'll end up getting arrested and being put to prison. I told Charlie all this and he felt very bad, wishing there was more he could do, he tried consenting his parents if I could live with them for only a few months however they wouldn't allow it due to some medical family matters. My parents and I currently are doing okay for now. But I can't stand handling these crying and scared episodes whenever these memories hit my head. I just want this to be over, I want Charlie and I to freely live our lives as a couple. But because of that incident, I am very terrified on whats gonna happen once they find out I'm still being with him, i bet whatever will play out will be worse and I have no one to help us out in talking to them. I'm scared of what they'll do to Charlie, I don't want anything bad happen to him because of me. I love my parents very much, if they need help I'm always there for them. But I can't stand their behaviour and ways, I know that the only way to find myself peace is to go no contact with them, but I'm scared thinking what if they do something to themselves? Like self harm? My mum putting herself in a hospital because of my choices? Making every one including my relatives turn against me? I tried applying for therapy but I don't have the budget to spend for the sessions. I feel like I'm going crazy and I need help. What should I do? What do you think I am having according to the emotions I felt explained here? Am I horrible? Are my parents not good parents?
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Mentally drained from parents
Family & Caregivers / by FriedaRaven
Last post
 June 14th, 2022
...See more Hi, so before you begin reading, just wanna let you know this will be like a long essay to read and I'm desperate for replies because I need opinions since I barely have any friends. I am 20 years old living with my parents in an apartment. Ever since I was 11, they were always strict and harsh with me when it comes to studying for exams and everytime they see my results on a subject that's less than 80, they will get angry and fight to me a lot. At the moment. I am in college studying for graphic design, I still live with them, they still are strict and always want to know what I am doing. I have met a person who I never knew I would love so much and he felt the same way with me, but this is the challenge: His ex is my friend whom we knew each other back at school, and when they were still together, they had a baby especially in teen years. Don't get me wrong, I know you think it's a bad idea to date someone who has a kid, but I want you to know our reasons and situation, My friend and him had a frustrating relationship due to circumstances and thought they love each other but turns out, they dont because they make each other extremely frustrated and they confirmed that they knew they were never meant for each other. I am the only person besides those 2 who knows about their history and know 100% certain that they will never get back together. My friend encouraged me that she is fine with us together and that she's certain that she will never feel hurt. I barely believed her until she told me a thousand times about it so I decided to give it a go. He is someone I love so much and we both felt agreed and felt that we really are molded together and he even promised me that no matter what gets in our way, he will stay by my side. Now this is the issue I am currently facing, I told my mum about this and then without even my consent, she told my dad, they both argued and told me that being with him will be the wrongest decision I have ever made. Last night my dad had a brief talk with me saying that everyone including my relatives will despise me for dating someone who used to be with my friend. He said that I am disrespecting and being a bad person to my friend for dating her ex no matter how accepting she is to me. I kept telling them to at least meet him so that they can see he's not the "bad" person they seem to think he is, but they told me no, they don't want to. They forced me to cut off with him, along my mum agreeing. They say either I should do so, or if I continued being with him, we won't have the perfect family relationship anymore, they told me they will never be happy with me again and not to let my boyfriend go near him. My dad even told me "Your mother worked so hard to bring you into this world, now because of what you're doing, you are making her ill! She's having complications with her health because of you stressing her. So if you love your mum you will do what she says". I love my parents despite how toxic they were to me since they're still my family and I will do anything to help them, but at the same time, I just feel like my boyfriend is the only person who understands me so much and never made me this happy before. I can tell that even he can't stand it if we were to break up. We both end up feeling like a part of ourselves has died. Believe me, he is someone I never felt any more happy to be with in my life. So I really don't know what to do, if I choose him, would I become a bad person? Just because I don't want to lose my happiness? Am I a horrible person hurting my family? What should I do? I kept crying nonstop wondering how and why it's unfair and difficult of me to get what I want?
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