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GaiaGoddess
1 1,320 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts44 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes17 Current upvotes17 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceFebruary 4, 2015
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42 years old, never married, no kids, no job, hardly any friends, living with mom
Depression Support / by GaiaGoddess
Last post
 February 8th, 2016
...See more That's pretty much my life in a nutshell. Other people my age have at least been married, if they're not still. And i've only had one boyfriend and that was like 16 years ago (you lose track after so long). He's the only guy I ever had sex with too, and I didnt even enjoy it. I didn't even love him, he was just the first guy who asked me out (and I was 26 at the time). I tend to attract gay men somehow, a few of them I fell in love with or had a crush on long before I knew they were gay, so I had to go through that weird rejection twice. Most guys just want to use me for sex, which is why I haven't had a boyfriend since my ex. The last guy I was in love with I THOUGHT was my boyfriend but turns out he was just trying to get into my pants too even though he would buy me gifts, tell people he was with me, and we would fall asleep in each others arms. But then after almost 2 years of that, I realized I meant nothing to him, after he quit the job we worked at, he never talked to me again. Apparently I am not meant to be with anyone. I have no job now because I have a sleep disorder that prevents me from being awake in the daytime, it's called Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder... to put it simply, my sleep/wake cycles don't match the daytime/nighttime so I naturally wake up at night and naturally need to sleep during the day. I got fired from my last job because of this. I have always had a hard time finding work, especially work I can do without aggravating my social anxiety/phone phobia. The first time I was unemployed it took me a year to find something again, and I bounced around to a few jobs that either required me to work during the day or required me to deal with customers and/or talk on the phone so I had panic attacks, didn't get enough sleep, whatever the case was, so I had to keep quitting those jobs. I also can't lift more than 30 pounds so that eliminates manual labor jobs. I am all out of options now and don't know what to do for a job anymore. I have been living with my mom for 5 years now and I get more and more depressed about it every day. I don;t know how much longer I can stand living here, my mom treats me like a child, taking care of me, smothering me with too much love and attention, when all I want is to be left alone. I am an introvert and need to be alone especially where I live but she's retired so she's here all the time babying me and I can't stand it. My dad does the same thing but they're divorced so he lives down the street and he's always calling my mom to ask where I am, what i'm doing, etc. I feel like a child and I can't even escape! I have one good friend who i've had for about 25 years, thank God, but the rest are too busy getting married, working, having a life. And that only makes me feel worse. Even my good friend has a partner and a house and a job so I feel like crap when I go there too, but it's all I have for a social life. So yeah thats my life, just thought i'd share. I joined this site because I was looking for free online therapy and of course there is none so I figured this would be the next best thing. Thanks for reading, if you got this far.
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