Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Ginssss
61 M Embraced
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2020 Member sinceJuly 16, 2020
Bio
Recent forum posts
Ginssss profile picture
Sleepless Nights
Trauma Support / by Ginssss
Last post
 July 27th, 2020
...See more A handful of years ago someone I loved raped me. It took atleast 3 years for me to acknowledge it Was rape. Even now I cringe calling it that word. I think a lot of it stemmed from the fact that there was no way someone who claimed to have loved me, honestly loved me, would ever be capable of that kind of... whatever. I pretended it didn't happen because if it didn't happen I could still love him and our story would find its way to a happy ending. We became roommates. He was emotionally abusive, but the real manipulation was when he'd get drunk and tell me he loved me and act exactly how he knew I wanted just to get me to sleep with him. I never understood at the time, but now I realize all these times where I, in fact, did not want to have sex, but did it anyway because I was always afraid if I said no it wouldn't matter to him. At the time, I didn't know that. I just knew when he asked I'd always say yes. I hate him. I can't sleep anymore and have been having nightmares about the night he raped me. I just don't know how to deal with the fact he exists. He goes to work, goes home to his family, sleeps soundly at night blissfully unaware of the damage he caused. He honestly believes he is a good man. And that is where the fear lives. He Doesn't Even Care. His existence scares me. Its not logical, but no amount of googling has revealed anyone who can relate. Honestly not even sure why I'm doing this. Oh yeah, bc its 7AM and I still can't sleep.
Search more from @Ginssss
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
4 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out First Compassion
Report an issue