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GracefulWarrior
222 M Embraced 2
PathStep 24 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceNovember 12, 2021
Bio

I knit, crochet, draw, paint, write stories, write music, play clarinet... generally a creative person.

I'm married, one child. We have chickens, fish, guinea pigs, and a cat.

I have ADHD and depression.

Recent forum posts
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It’s how matter-of-fact I am that throws me.
OCD & Related Behaviors / by GracefulWarrior
Last post
 November 18th, 2021
...See more I’ve always picked at scabs, but since we upped my antidepressant dose in 2019 I’ve been really going after my skin. For a long time it was just the skin around my fingernails, mostly my thumbs but also my index and ring fingers. I was able to leave my middle finger alone because I use it for my phone verification fingerprint. I wrapped my fingers in gauze or used Band-Aids when it got really bad, and I eventually crocheted myself a pair of gloves that are just bracelets with straps leading up to little cups that go over my fingertips and thumbs. Over all, it was disruptive because I play clarinet in a clarinet choir, and bandages don’t really seal the open finger holes properly. Last year, I got really into colouring and doing art again, and that kept my hands occupied enough that I couldn’t pick. I’ve got it down to just my left thumb and my right index finger. But at some point in the past year, I started picking at the skin on my heels. I actually used to do that, and I took up knitting and crocheting in 2009 to make it stop. This is worse than that ever was, and I keep having to put Band-Aids on my feet and I limp while I’m healing. I’m working on keeping myself from doing it. Knee socks under my pants helps, as does wearing tights or pantyhose. Keeping my hands busy is a good option as well. I have some heel cream that I try to remember to put on my feet in the morning before I put on my socks, because that helps me keep my socks on during the day. What throws me is how matter-of-fact I am about it. I don’t want to do it, but I actually feel for the rough bits and try to smooth them out. It’s so weird, because most people would think that I should be able to stop if I can think so clearly about what I’m doing, but if I stop it feels wrong. Compulsions are weird. My husband thinks I should just stop doing it. He doesn’t understand what it is and how little control I actually have over it. (He also doesn’t understand my ADHD executive dysfunction even though he has executive dysfunction too.)
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