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GracetheSpaceCase
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceOctober 24, 2021
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I'm a hypocrite and I hate myself
Eating Disorder Support / by GracetheSpaceCase
Last post
 October 24th, 2021
...See more A couple months ago I got a job at a weight loss clinic, and I even started on their program. I lost almost 20 pounds in a month which was awesome, but I wasn't able to stick with it. Eventually I started binging again, and I was even caught by my husband with wrappers stuffed in my car. (Eating while driving is a huge trigger for me). He told me I was a hypocrite for giving so many other people advice on how to eat healthy and lose weight, yet I'm stuffing my face. I know he's right and it bothers me. I've never been fully able to control my eating disorder, either binging heavily or starving myself. I haven't started myself since 2016, but I haven't stopped binging since. Now I have my dream job of helping other people lose weight, and I can't even help myself. Part of me wants to starve again, but I know that isn't healthy. I just want a healthy relationship with food. How can I teach people how to have a healthy relationship with food and then not have one myself? I feel awful and I've been holding this all in for about 2 months now. I just want to be okay with food, but I dont think I'll ever be. It scares me.
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